Commons Sense: (very excited)So our friend is in town for the weekend, and invited us to go out for a spell last night.
Me: (sullen) That means we left the apartment.
CS: YES. You see, this is a big deal.
Me: Vair big deal.
CS: I wanted to go. NYC! Center of the universe!
Me: Common Sense is an asshole. Also, she doesn't have agoraphobia.
CS: That's why you have Klonopin.
Me: Lots of Klonopin.
CS: So off we went! To the train! To go to NYC!
CS: Oh STOP. It was not. It was fine. we looked good! We were properly medicated, we were off! Out of the apartment! To the city!
Me: I was cold. It's cold outside. You know where it isn't cold? The apartment. Also, couch.
CS: *sighs* We WERE cold. We did not dress for the weather.
Me: This is a shock to no-one, since going outside usually involves jimjams on the porch, or pants that fall down in Walgreens, so the fact that we managed to wear clothes at ALL is a pleasant surprise to all and sundry.
CS: We looked good.
Me: WE WERE COLD.
CS: It is better to look good than to feel good. Anyway, off to the train, and NYC! Yay!
CS: We had the iPod and everything. We were prepared!
Me: Except for a jacket.
CS: Yes, but that was your fault.
Me: MY fault? I'M the crazy one, YOU are supposed to remember things like jackets!
CS: I was vair excited to go to the city.
CS: So we take the train to the city, and we're wearing our ENORMOUS BOOTS, which was awesome, because little high school girls thought they were the weirdest things they had ever seen, and they whispered.
Me: ABOUT US. Clearly they were making fun of us. Assholes.
CS: They were whispering about how AWESOME we looked.
CS: SO! We get to the city, and meet up with Gorman and his friend K, who is now our friend! WE MADE A NEW FRIEND.
Me: She thought I was a lunatic. I got us lost.
CS: We DID get lost.
Me: Mortifying. We lived there for years.
CS: We got on the 1 instead of the C. It can happen to anyone, and we were nervous.
Me: And cold.
CS: And cold- Are you going to bitch about this for the whole story? Because we just got colder as the night wore on. Let's just say we were wicked, wicked cold the whole time.
Me: Fine. So I put us all on the wrong train downtown, which, as I said, mortifying, and instead of going to West 4th St., we ended up all the way down at Canal. Which is nowhere NEAR St. Marks, which was our destination. You see, K wanted to get her nose pierced, and THAT'S WHERE YOU GO to get random body parts pierced. You go to St. Marks.
CS: Even though it's utterly crawling with NYU kids.
Me: Like roaches.
CS: Roaches in hipster clothes. Bleh.
Me: Bleh. So we were lost. Doomed. Utterly and completely doomed. We might as well have given up right then and gone home. Because we looked the fool and also were lost, and cold, and we were so embarrassed in front of our old friend and new friend we wanted to curl up and DIE.
CS: That's where I came in.
Me: And thank Jeebie for that, because I would have just sat down on the sidewalk and cried. But Miss Banshee was wearing her big boots, which FORTIFY US WITH THE POWER OF COMMON SENSE, and you stepped in to solve the problem.
CS: I found us! I got us un-lost! Without the bloody map Gorman and K kept offering.
Me: You don't use a map in NYC. You'll get killed. Or at least mocked.
CS: True. So it took forever, but we found St. Marks after walking A LONG TIME OMG, and K got her nose pierced and we went to Trash and Vaudeville and wow, this story is getting long.
Me: Let's talk about the rest tomorrow.
CS: The rest tomorrow! Aren't you excited?
Me: Ghastly nightmare, the lot of it.