Stewie Say “Let Stewie Be Stewie!”

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Beans. Oh hooman beans. Stewie here to make your weekend little brighter, cause Stewie Day is RAY OF SUNSHINE, yes? Yes. Stewie want to apologize for getting stern with hooman beans the other day about health care reform, but sometimes beans act like little kittens all falling over each other and yowling. Stewie have no time for dis. Stewie big MIGHTY grownup cat, doesn't fall over self yelling all the time about health care. Have good debate, sure! But no yelling. 

So let Stewie tell you seekrit. Stewie think Mama lost her tiny little mind. Even more than usual crazy! It's true. Mama convinced there something WRONG with Stewie, that STEWIE need health care! She in tizzy. So worried. She stare at Stewie, she POKE at Stewie, she fret all over the place over Stewie. So let Stewie tell you symptoms:

Stewie eat and sleep.

DAT ALL. Stewie HAVE no symptom. Mama leave Snuggie on FLOOR. Stewie LOVE SNUGGIE. So Stewie lie on Snuggie and sleep all day all curled up and cute. Sometime he get up for eating kibble. Maybe get up if Mama open door to place where OLIVES LIVE or CLOSET TO NARNIA. Other than that, Stewie happy to lie on Snuggie all day. What so wrong with dat? Maybe if Mama CLEAN BEDROOM and not leave cozy comfy clothes and Snuggie lying around, Stewie would do more with his day! Stewie say this just suggestion.

Also, Stewie in trouble with LULU. Lulu want Snuggie too, but Stewie too MIGHTY to have room to share. So Lulu sleep all day too, but on couch next to Mama, where Mama can stare at Lulu all she please. Here, Lulabelle LulaSMELL have something to say.

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Hello, human bipeds. Listen. We've both lost a little weight, which Dr. K said we should do anyway, and the human biped who tends to our needs has convinced herself that our weight loss has something to do with a wasting disease that we have contracted. The only symptom is that we are as lazy as ever, maybe even moreso, but the idiot biped has herself in a tizzy about it, talking to us as if we can carry on a conversation in Human English about how she LIKES that we're fat and happy and that if she wanted a skinny cat, she certainly wouldn't have chosen us. 

Well. THAT'S a lovely thing to say. I like to think of myself as Rubenesque, as I have stated before, and Stewart is just big and dumb, so a little weight loss is hardly a bad thing. The biped is just paranoid. I only sleep next to her head to comfort her that I am still alive, not because I hold any sort of affection for the biped. Of course not. That is all, I return you to the idiot fat (but less fat) one.

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Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Stewie BACK! So yeah, Mama a little crazy, Stewie wish when Stewie come to visit Mama in bathroom she would stop it with picking Stewie UP and POKING his BELLY like that wouldn't make YOU meow, AM I RIGHT?!?!?!? So Stewie figure out that if he stay in bedroom on Snuggie, there is LESS POKING, and dat is always a GOOD THING. Anyone want a Mama? Ours is up for sale, she too crazy for us to deal with anymores. 

OKAY DAT IT. Stewie blog OVER. Go out and play, beans, Stewie need NAP. 

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Comments

Stewie Say “Let Stewie Be Stewie!” — 5 Comments

  1. Hi Stewie! My name Pixel, and I big MIGHTY girl cat who think you da best most handsome boy cat eber. Pixel have crush on you. PURRR 🙂
    My bean bought LAZERBEAM to help me loze wait, but so far she just scared i have heart attack when LAZERBEAM toy come out to play. So far not lozin any waits. What you eat help make you svelte?
    Pixel in Toronto

  2. Stewie, I read your blog post to several of the cats who are helping me here today at Good Mews Animal Foundation, and they agree. Your mama is acting a little looney. Tweety and Merryl say there’s nothing wrong with being big-boned. Gypsy says that running around playing is overrated and you should just continue relaxing and sleeping. Snickers just commented “whatever” and rolled over to continue his nap. Max and Mark added that you should post to Mama’s blog more often, Several of the others were too busy playing with the laser pointer to add their two Greenies’ worth but consensus is that you’re right and everything is fine.

  3. Stewie, you very handsome.
    Very very very handsome.
    Handsome like FOOD.
    I know what you mean, I have a snuggie too, but my female is not polite, she does not leave it on the floor. I have to get up on the couch to have a good sleep. I’ma go do that now.

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