FELV Free Is The Way To Be

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Pardonez-moi? What is that you say about my health report?

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Did I hear you correctly? Am I free and clear from all signs of FELV? No leukemia? None whatsoever? Totally negative test?

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Did you hear that, stupid fish? I DON'T HAVE LEUKEMIA. Fit as a fiddle, grand as can be, just…well…Doctor K told me I was "morbidly obese" but OTHER THAN THAT, I'm right as rain! Ha HA! You can't get rid of Queen Lulu! I am HERE, BITCHES. And I'm not going anywhere. 

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 In all seriousness, bipeds, thank you so much for your love and support through these trying days. My human biped food slave doesn't know what she'd do without you. Or ME. She'd be totally lost without ME, so it's a good damn thing I'm just…zaftig. Rubenesque. A curvy lady. Yes, that's it. 

Now if I can only get her to reconsider this whole "kitten" thing, we'll be all set. I've never heard the biped food slave have such a stupid idea in my LIFE. Don't worry, I'll bite her every time she mentions it. She can be trained. Oh yes, I've been studying my Pavlovian theory. I'll electrocute the biped in the bathtub before I allow another cat in this apartment. Mark my words.

Dancing With the Stars recap up HERE, bipeds!


Comments

FELV Free Is The Way To Be — 17 Comments

  1. Don’t think of it as a kitten, Lulu. Think of it as a Minion-in-Training, to do all your dirty work (at least that which the biped food slave doesn’t do) for you.

  2. So glad to hear you are alright, Mademoiselle Lulu! I would advise against bathtub electrocution of the human biped food slave, though. Without her, you can forget about delicious twice-daily wet food meals; you’d also be likely to lose your Rubenesque figure. Heavens knows you don’t want that!

  3. Ahhh, Miss Lulu…I’m so glad to hear of your excellent health report. We shall summarily dismiss any talk of “morbid obesity”. You are merely…how should we say…a feline of substance…yes…I like that. I am also a feline of substance. I hear my biped food slave speak of words like diet and exercise, but I just ignore her. If I’m hungry, I wait until she goes to sleep and then eat the sick cat’s kitten chow she gives him so he’ll gain weight.
    See, having a kitten in the house could be quite a benefit for you. You can intimidate the silly creature and steal it’s food. Trust me…it works wonderfully.
    Wait…she’s taking the sick cat’s food and putting it away before bed. This is an outrage! Where is that number for the SPCA. It must be here somewhere!

  4. Yay! That’s wonderful news, Lulu! And I agree with the poster above. Let the biped food slave get a kitten. You’ll have your revenge in training the kitten to understand that you are queen and the job of any younger cat in your home is to *help* you rule.
    🙂

  5. Lulu has curves, dammit. She is not obese. She is so glorious that her size barely contains her wonder. And I am so, so happy she’s OK. Lulu is a goddess, A GODDESS.

  6. Oh but Miss Lulu, if you get a wee little kitten of your own to train, you can make it and the human biped do your bidding!!! It’s your kingdom to rule over!!!think about it Mistress overlord Lulu!!

  7. Yippee for FELV-free!
    Miss Lulu dear, don’t pay any attention to those skinny hussies who would make fun of your weight. You are just the right size for cuddles and snuggles. And are verra beautiful too. Though you already knew that.
    Just think of a kitten as a distraction for the human biped food slave so you can get to even more of the yummy wet foodness….

  8. This is wonderful news for you and your human biped slave.
    don’t worry about the “obese” tag from the mean ol’ doc. Every animal that enters this house leaves fatter. It’s how I love them, darling..I feed them well.

  9. Mantra #1: Food DOES NOT equal love.
    I agree that Lulu is curvy, but all ‘dem curves curve OUT, rather like a ball. Trust me folks, I’ve nothing against a little extra weight on a cat (or person), but we all want Lulu to stick around for a good long while, so we’re all gonna support Miss B in her attempts to get the extra weight off Lulu. DOCTOR’s ORDERS!!! She’ll be just as divine when the curves go in AND out.
    PS Liz, I am neither mean nor old! 😛

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