Mysterious Noise: Beep.
Me: *stomps outside to smoke*
Me: *thinks* It's following me.
MN: *smug* Beep.
Me: *stomps back inside, flings self on fainting couch*
Me: *thinks* This is a nefarious plot.
Me: *thinks* What the fuck IS THAT?
Me: *checks stove*
Me: *checks smoke detector*
Me: *out loud* Nothing else in this apartment beeps!
MN: *giggling* Beep.
Me: *thinks* This is completely illogical.
Me: *out loud* All my DVDs are in alphabetical order. My apartment is spotless. New lightbulbs. New batteries in everything. Everything in this place is COMPLETELY PERFECT. There can't be a beep.
MN: *impressed* Beep.
Me: *out loud*It's called OCD, and I has it.
Me: *out loud* Dr. Douche said it's because I'm in mourning for Stewie and to take more Klonopin. I hate him, but he did have a point there.
MN: *knowingly* Beep.
Me: *stomps back outside, sees A-Hole from across the courtyard*
Me: Hey! You! Do you hear that?
A-Hole: *stares in terror*
MN: *jolly* Beep!
A-Hole: Are you…talking to ME?
Me: Desperate times. Do you HEAR THAT?
Me: OH FUCK YOU.
A-Hole: Um. Hear what?
Me: THE BEEPING DO YOU HEAR THE BEEPING IT'S DRIVING ME BATSHIT.
Me: *almost in tears with relief* YES!!!!!!!!!!!
A-Hole: It's the smoke detector battery in your basement. Do you have a key?
MN: *cheery* Beep!
Me: Um. No.
A-Hole: Call management. Or Aw, An Old Man. He has keys to everything.
MN: *worried* Beep!
Me: It's too late at night to call on Aw, An Old Man. I'll do it in the morning. Thanks! *winning smile, crazy eyes*
A-Hole: Can I please take my garbage to the dumpster now?
Me: *twitching* By all means.
Me: I know, he's terrified of me. I have no idea why.
MN: *pondering* Beep?
Me: Whatever, he's an asshole. *stomps back inside, checks all locks, stove, cat, windows, locks again, cat again, stove again, flings self into bed, secures iPod headphones in ears, screws eyes tightly shut.*
MN: *cheery* Beep!
Me: *out loud* I can't HEAR you, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is on. Goodnight, you bastard! I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
MN: *whispers* Beep.