It’s Coming From INSIDE THE HOUSE!

Mysterious Noise: Beep.

Me: *ignores*

MN: Beep.

Me: *scowls*

MN: Beep!

Me: *stomps outside to smoke*

MN: BEEP!

Me: *thinks* It's following me.

MN: *smug* Beep.

Me: *stomps back inside, flings self on fainting couch*

MN: Beep.

Me: *thinks* This is a nefarious plot.

MN: Beep.

Me: *thinks* What the fuck IS THAT?

MN: Beep.

Me: *checks stove*

MN: Beep.

Me: *checks smoke detector*

MN: Beep!

Me: *out loud* Nothing else in this apartment beeps!

MN: *giggling* Beep.

Me: *thinks* This is completely illogical. 

MN: Beep?

Me: *out loud* All my DVDs are in alphabetical order. My apartment is spotless. New lightbulbs. New batteries in everything. Everything in this place is COMPLETELY PERFECT. There can't be a beep. 

MN: *impressed* Beep.

Me: *out loud*It's called OCD, and I has it. 

MN: Beep?

Me: *out loud* Dr. Douche said it's because I'm in mourning for Stewie and to take more Klonopin. I hate him, but he did have a point there. 

MN: *knowingly* Beep.

Me: *stomps back outside, sees A-Hole from across the courtyard*

MN: Beep!

Me: Hey! You! Do you hear that?

A-Hole: *stares in terror*

MN: *jolly* Beep!

A-Hole: Are you…talking to ME?

Me: Desperate times. Do you HEAR THAT?

MN: *silence*

Me: OH FUCK YOU.

A-Hole: Um. Hear what?

Me: THE BEEPING DO YOU HEAR THE BEEPING IT'S DRIVING ME BATSHIT.

MN: Beep.

A-Hole: That?

Me: *almost in tears with relief* YES!!!!!!!!!!!

MN: Beep?

A-Hole: It's the smoke detector battery in your basement. Do you have a key?

MN: *cheery* Beep!

Me: Um. No.

A-Hole: Call management. Or Aw, An Old Man. He has keys to everything.

MN: *worried* Beep!

Me: It's too late at night to call on Aw, An Old Man. I'll do it in the morning. Thanks! *winning smile, crazy eyes*

A-Hole: Can I please take my garbage to the dumpster now?

MN: Beep!

Me: *twitching* By all means. 

A-Hole: *flees*

MN: Beep.

Me: I know, he's terrified of me. I have no idea why.

MN: *pondering* Beep?

Me: Whatever, he's an asshole. *stomps back inside, checks all locks, stove, cat, windows, locks again, cat again, stove again, flings self into bed, secures iPod headphones in ears, screws eyes tightly shut.*

MN: *cheery* Beep!

Me: *out loud* I can't HEAR you, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is on. Goodnight, you bastard! I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

MN: *whispers* Beep.

Me: *whimpers*

(Glee recap, or "Gleecap" HERE! Go read!)


Comments

It’s Coming From INSIDE THE HOUSE! — 10 Comments

  1. Had a very similar experience while I was in the gaping OLD theatre (with a ghost) ALONE at night! Someone’s phone kept ringing, and I thought I was alone. Of course I assumed there was a psycho-killer who forgot to silence his phone lurking in the dark, waiting for me to investigate.
    Turns out it was a phone in lost and found. It had 16 missed calls. I turned it off.

  2. My basement smoke detector did the same thing. Even after I removed the round cover thingy completely from the unit. Turns out you also have to remove the dying battery from it. Who knew? And that noise? Will drive ANYONE batshit insane. Just sayin’.
    MN should know better than to mess with the Dread Pirate Roberts….

  3. I HATE THAT!!! I have spent DAYS trying to find where mysterious sounds come from. Glad you could scare the asshole into assisting you

  4. Isn’t it so vastly annoying when you *know* somethings beeping but you just can’t find it?
    Last time for us it was the husbands cell phone with a low battery.

  5. You are lucky Lulu was not bothered. Every time one of our smoke detector batteries runs low all of the pets go crazy and start running around the house in a panic. The whippet even trembles.

  6. Someone played a prank on my boss a few weeks ago. They got little microchips that make beeping and chirping noises and hid them all over his office. It was driving him NUTS. I finally had to tell him who the prankster was before he got all cranky and started taking it out on me!!
    Glad you found out what it was though!!

  7. nolfo – I have a whippet also that is scared of beeping noises. She even freaks out if she hears them on tv (there are certain commercials we now mute).
    But that beeping will drive you up a wall!!!

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