The Mystery of the Telemundos: SOLVED!

Oh, y'all. Do you hear that? That's the blissful sound of silence. The beeping is gone! I called the management company and (very politely, of course) said that this was a fire hazard and I was packing a bag for the Bin, and please come fix it, the super's voicemail was FULL and I couldn't get in touch with him because it's all a plot and why do you hate me and maybe it didn't get that far. 

So the beeping has ceased, and there was much rejoicing. Quietly. Because that's what this apartment is lately. Quiet. Too quiet. Lulu and I are lonely. So I spend a lot of time sitting on the back porch, and she spends a lot of time sleeping on the big chair, and can you see why the beeping was a big deal? It's so QUIET around here. Who wants to come over? It's so clean you can't see for the shining surfaces, dude. I'll make coffee! 

OH. WAIT. I need to stop bitching and get to the important stuff! Let me tell you what happened to the Telemundos! So they vanished in the middle of the night a few months ago, and I was SO worried that they had been evicted or La Migra had gotten them, and I missed Sebastian SO MUCH and I had no idea what had really happened, but I was missing my little friend and sweet, sweet Mrs. Telemundo, who was SO nice, and not so much her husband but that was just because he was very rotund and hairy and seldom wore shirts. So it was a MYSTERY, and new people moved in, who I have not actually SEEN yet but I know they are there, but they don't use the back entrance like the Telemundos did. Anyway.

Yesterday I was on the porch brooding, (see above, re: rotten mood) and sulking and my dear neighbor who I have actually had tea with and STILL don't know her name, but it's definitely something in Korean, and I've lived here for two years and simply cannot up and ASK HER her name NOW, because she's told me plenty of times and I refuse to be the ugly American who says someone's accent is too thick for me to understand him or her. I understand her husband, who is Irish, just fine, but yeah, lovely woman, I call her Darlin' or Sweetie or something else the stupid white girl can get away with. So we were chatting, as we are wont to do when I'm on the porch, and she told me what happened to the Telemundos! And are you ready? You're gonna plotz.

So it turns out that the A-holes across the courtyard, who lived under the Telemundos, complained and whined and bitched enough that the management company MOVED them to another apartment! Waaaaaaay down in the complex! On a first floor! So the kids, being, ya know, KIDS could run around the apartment and not bother the A-holes or anyone else living beneath them! THE A-HOLES MADE MY FRIENDS GO AWAY. 

We hateses the A-Holes. 

Well. If my poor friends can get moved for being too noisy, can I get Clompy Stomp evicted for running her vacuum at 8 AM every Sunday? Because that's way too early for that kind of noise, and *I* don't even do that, and I'm CRAZY. 

So the Telemundos are still somewhere in the complex! They didn't have to move away! My Sebastian is SOMEWHERE around here and I WILL FIND HIM. And Mrs. Telemundo is a manicurist, and gave me an open invite for a pedicure, and WHOA NELLY do I need one, so finding the Telemundos is my new mission.

I can't believe the A-Holes. Their goddamn yappy lap dogs make SO MUCH NOISE all the time, WAY more than my Sebastian ever did, and they got the poor family to MOVE? Ridiculous.

I have to find my friends. Later, lovelies!

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Photograph: The Fainting Couch With Cat. Notice the OCD placement of the electronics and beverage. 


Comments

The Mystery of the Telemundos: SOLVED! — 3 Comments

  1. YAY!! I am so happy that they were not deported!!!
    The A-holes are… well… a-holes. Next time I am there we will have to glare at them so they flee in terror.

  2. I’m so glad for the update; I was thinking that we hadn’t seen a new episode of “As the Couryard Turns” for a while. And wow, they really are A-holes for making the Telemundos move. Maybe you could *stalk* Mr. A-hole since he seems to be terrified of you…
    My husband does the same thing with electronics and, well, everything, so don’t even worry about it.

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