It's a popular quote that says that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. The same could be said of going on first dates.
So I went on another first date last night and it went…well? Badly? Goodly? Poorly? I HAVE NO IDEA. World, help me understand.
The World: It's awfully early on a Saturday morning to be dissecting your weird date, dude.
Me: I know, I know. But I am so befuddled!
The World: Okay, walk us through it, we weren't there.
Me: I'll tell you who WAS there.
The World: Who?
Me: A dude I used to know from The Program.
The World: Did you say hi?
Me: Are you insane? Of course not! Alcoholics ANONYMOUS, remember?
The World: Oh yeah, hey, it's been a hell of a long time since you went to one of those meetings.
Me: That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about how I don't know if the date went well or not.
The World: We don't know, you'll have to see if he calls.
Me: LET ME GIVE YOU DETAILS.
The World: You put that on Twitter last night. That he was affectionate but wouldn't make eye contact. The boy is shy as hell. Ball's in his court. Would you see him again?
Me: Sure, why not?
The World: Then wait and see if he calls. After the last debacle, you shouldn't stick your neck out anymore, dude. You got CUT UP last time.
Me: For reals, dude.
The World: So anyway, why don't you go to AA anymore?
Me: Eeeeeesh. Do we have to talk about this?
The World: We're interested.
Me: It's a wonderful program that has helped countless people.
The World: But…
Me: And I met some lovely people there, and did my 90 meetings in 90 days when I was sprung from rehab, just like I was supposed to do.
The World: But…
Me: And I wish everyone I met the best, and hope that they stay clean.
The World: BUT?????
Me: Sigh. But it's not for me.
The World: Explain, please.
Me: Okay, here's the explanation as to why I don't go to AA. It's just not the right fit for me. Between my meds and my awesome therapist, I'm not the same person I was when I was drinking. The issues that are brought up in meetings are not issues that I am familiar with. I was self-medicating undiagnosed bipolar, not straight up alcoholism. I don't drink now by choice. It doesn't agree with me. My body's been through enough. It just isn't somewhere that I feel is the right fit for me. Anyway, I get panicky in group situations, and I spend the entire time in my head, wrestling with my bipolar demons, not concentrating on booze, which I don't crave and which isn't a part of my life anymore. It's a wonderful program, but I get more help going to therapy and taking my meds. It's as simple as that. Meetings make me too nervous, and when I try to share that, I've been told on several occasions that an AA meeting is not the place for therapy for bipolar. So since that is my active problem, I rely on my other support systems. It's not a knock against The Program, it's just not for me. End of story.
The World: Interesting.
Me: Hey, you asked.
The World: Whatever works, right?
The World: Okay, we were just wondering.
Me: Can we talk more about the date?
The World: No. You're overanalyzing it to death. We're bored. Go get ready to look at some kittens today. Forget we ever had this conversation, the world knows it will.
The World: Aaaaaaaaand we've lost her. Bye!
Me: Kittens. YAY! Bye!!!!