Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s A Banshee

I babysat last night – oooh, sorry, I "four and a quarter" sat last night, and…let's see, we'll call him…Optimus Prime, shall we? OP and I had a GRAND time together in the hotel in which he and his mama, an old (she's not old and neither am I, dammit) friend of mine were staying. It was like Eloise, only with more fart jokes. And since she's a reader of the blog, I thought I'd tell the story of how OP and Miss B rocked the house last night.  

We got room service, and OP's Mama slipped out undetected, and OP fed me chicken nuggets and insisted I put honey mustard on all my food, which was fine (the food was vair good, I can't remember the last time I got room service and this hotel? SWANK) and he chattered away the whole time about butts and farts and how he had a little sister, and his teachers, and boy, this kid had a lot of energy. So we watched a little of Monsters Vs. Aliens and he gave me his barbeque sauce ("too spicy for me," he explained) and discussed why it's gross to talk about farts at the dinner table (it's hilarious to talk about farts at the dinner table, but alas, I had to be a Grown Up last night) and then it was time for a cookie. 

You see, there are (vair tasty) sugar cookies at the front desk of the hotel, and in quite an Eloise fashion, we were going to trounce down there and get one. After a long (v.v. long) and serious (v.v. serious) discussion about how to use the key card to open the door, and a frantic search for shoes (his AND mine) we were off to the front desk for cookies, oh boy. 

The swank hotel was ready for us, and dutifully handed over the cookies (damn straight I had one too) and then it was a mad dash for the UP button on the elevator and the FOUR button inside the elevator (he's four and a quarter, you know) and it was upstairs where we had a bit of a crisis with the key card (where was it where was it where was it oh it's in Miss B's pocket, no need for false hysterics, OP) and inside we went for more DVD watching (he KNOOOOOOOOOWS how to WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK it, Miss B, DUH) and cookie eating and then it was WOO BOY time for bed. 

So after potty and teeth brushing, there was quite the false dramatics regarding how he caaaaaaaaan't sleep without his mommy, and assurance from me that when he woke up his mommy would be here and I'd stay RIGHT HERE with him till she came back, I wasn't going anywhere (not even to close to bathroom door, dios mio) and we watched some of Disney's Robin Hood (Miss B's FAVORITE Disney film, bee tee dubs) and OP really liked it when I whistled the opening theme music, and then he told me something in a Very Stern Voice.

"We're watching too much of the movie. I'm awake TOO LATE." 

Well, he told me. So I sat with him "texting Mommy" that he was going to sleep, he was almost asleep, he was TOTALLY ASLEEP, tell Mommy I'm sleepin', and then the poor thing passed right out and I watched Law and Order and talked to Mystery Man, who we will Call Mr. Monkeypants or MM for short, until OP's mom got home and it was the most fun ever the end.

I thought I was over the whole kid thing, yanno? But OP and his shaggy hair and little lisp captured my heart, and I remembered why I love kids and miss being around them all the time. It was truly a grand time. 



Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s A Banshee — 6 Comments

  1. Aw, Optimus sounds so cute! I wish I had had babysitters as cool as you when I was little.
    Now I’m going to go have to dig out our copy of Robin Hood tonight 🙂

  2. Is this Mister Monkeypants any relation of the Virginia family of Monkeypantses? Because if he’s a cousin, I’d like to meet him, and if not… Well, there are copyright issues.
    Unless I was talking to you last night, but I don’t recall doing so, and as I only had two beers, I’m pretty sure I didn’t black out.
    – King Monkeypants

  3. Well girl if y’all ever come back to Savannah I have a Rockstar 9 year old princess 3 cats and 3 doggies that would love you to come watch over them so i can slip away with my totallytattooedrockstarhubby!!! Open invite 24/7/365 and bring the kitties!!

  4. Well if you love kids and miss being around them have a got a pair for you! And you know what… my fabulous babysitter girl (who I just found) had the nerve to go home for the summer. Geesh, college students. Didn’t she know we fell in love with her and needed her???
    Anyway, seriously, wanna babysit so I can go to Stop and Shop by myself?
    : )

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