The Same Thing Happens Every Morning

Clock silently turns to 5:30 AM.

All is quietude.

Then.

*lick lick lick*

*SHOVE*

*lick lick lick*

"LULU. Those are my EYES." 

*lick lick lick*

*Ow. my eyelids.*

*tiny sound* Mee?

"Oh, terrific."

*another, tinier sound* mee?

"Fabulous. You woke the babies."

*lick lick HISS!!!! HIIIIIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!!!*

"No fighting."

*Mow! HISS! Mee? Mee? HISS!*

"no fighting ON MY BLADDER."

*tiny sound* ACHOO.

*tinier sound* achoo. 

"Great. The babies are still sick. Lu, I hope you're happy with yourself."

*Bladder* PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW. 

"Okay! Okay! I am going to the bathroom. Then? Breakfast for everyone."

*open door. Three cats, two tiny, one morbidly obese, follow.*

*SLAM* (bathroom door)

*Bladder* YOU MAY NOW ATTEND TO YOUR LIFE. 

*At this point, everyone is screaming. The kittens are tumbleweeding across the floor, Lulu is hissing and rolling around on the floor, the babies are sneezing on each other, everyone, EVERYONE is pretending they've never been fed before.*

*bend over. Pick up kittens. Deposit kittens in bedroom, slam door.*

MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW.

I'm coming, Lulu. 

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW. 

I'm working on it, Lulu. 

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW. 

It's COMING, LULU. 

*open can of "mixed grill," chop up, resist urge to fling bowl at Lulu's head. 

*sullen chewing*

*from bedroom* mee! Mee! mee! Mee! mee! Mee! mee! Mee!

Coming, babies. I'm coming. 

*open door, kittens spring forth, mad dash for Lulu's bowl.*

*dive on kittens*

HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

I've got it, Lulu. I have them. Chill. 

*Deposit kittens in bedroom. Close door. Get kitten food off high shelf. Try to ignore the pitiful sobbing coming from the same kittens who have put on close to a POUND in a less than two WEEKS OMG. Deposit kitten food in bowls, separate kittens from same bowl to separate bowls. Sullen chewing.*

*collapse. It is now 5:37 AM.*

003
 


Comments

The Same Thing Happens Every Morning — 11 Comments

  1. I’ve seen this. These kitties attack the food like they’ve been on a hunger march, EVERY TIME. I think their tiny kitty brains forget when they’ve last eaten.
    BUT THEY ARE KYOOOOOT.

  2. It never changes with age, all 3 of mine still scream and whine every AM . I am here to serve them , it is my goal in life to be animal food slave…. SIGH….

  3. So hilarious! I agree with BaltimoreGal though – you know you love it!
    My cat does the same thing with the eyelid licking. What’s with that?

  4. This entire scene is eerily familiar.
    Also, re. your tweets about having to apply gel to the babies’ eyes, I have found that wrapping them up in a towel first is immensely helpful. Wrap ’em up like little burritos and then quickly apply the gel before they manage to free their little paws to swipe at you. Good luck!

  5. My “kitten” has grown so much in the 3 months since we got her that she’s not looking so kittenish at all, really (at 9 months of age). Your little cuties sound ridiculously fun. Thanks for the laugh!

  6. Awww…this brings back memories of when mine were little kittens! I used to joke with people that I didn’t get any sleep for five years because of aquiring three kittens over the span of 4 years.

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