Y'all? I apologize. It's as if I had twins around here, all you get are baby photos and silly stories about kittens, and this used to be a blog with some freaking DIGNITY.
The World: No it wasn't.
The World: This blog never had dignity. Sometimes you're depressing, sure, but there was, and now definitely IS, no dignity whatsoever contained within. You're lucky that you've only lost HALF your readership, and not ALL of it. The others were just around to see when you fell down last, or to read horror stories about your drinking days. Dignity never had anything to do with it.
Me: Well…You're right, I guess. That's rather disheartening.
The World: Oh, it shouldn't be. You should be disheartened with the "content" as you call it, that you've been putting up lately. You got kittens, not BABIES. Enough with the cat blogs.
Me: Well, that's not going to happen. They're too cute and ridiculous for me not to write about them all the time.
The World: Yeah, and if that's the case, don't come whining to us about dignity, for God's sack.
Me: Listen, this week has been insane.
The World: EXCUSES! I thought you were supposed to be a WRITER.
Me: I AM A WRITER, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING. WRITING. Just…not here.
The World: We saw your shilling yesterday. All class, you are.
Me: You're very mean this morning.
The World: Tough love, babycakes. You need it. And you need to get back to work. Here, and on the Super Sekrit Project, now more than ever. And don't think we're sick and tired of hearing bits and pieces about THAT, and never hearing what the actual project IS. We're on the verge of not caring in the slightest anymore.
The World: Very mature.
Me: You want mature? I'll give you mature, buster. Here's something REALLY MATURE. Guess what? Finn has a gas issue. Seriously, he almost made my eyebrows fall out last night.
The World: Really? We're really going there?
Me: You were mean, I talk about kitten farts.
The World: Dios Mio. This fantastic blog entry is done.
Me: MY KITTEN IS FARTY!
The World: Done. Over. Go play with your gassy kittens.
Me: I'm awesome.