Hello, human biped food slaves. Oh, you don't remember MOI with all this idiotic kitten talk as of late? Well let me tell you the unfairness that I am subjected to on a daily basis.
So I was BANNED from the bedroom last night, which ended up being a good thing, but is UNFAIR and UNJUST in theory, but from the commotion I heard it's a good thing that I wasn't in there, because there would have been beatings galore. Let me tell you bipeds WHY I was banned from the bedroom, and then the reason it turned into a lunatic asylum as I peacefully slumbered on my chair in the next room.
SO. It is not MY FAULT that the children get this fancy, high calorie kitten food and then have the audacity to be so small they are easily kicked out of the way so I can FEAST upon said food, but can you believe it, the human biped CAUGHT ME, and unceremoniously forced me to EXIT the bedroom using her FOOT, and no feline of my caliber should have to put up with something like that, I assure you.
(Note from the editor: I nudged her out of the room with my toes. I didn't KICK the CAT. Just so we are clear.)
Anyway, I was banned from sleeping in the bedroom, and I didn't really care in the slightest, I mean, I had the whole house to myself and no idiot children to deal with. Oh, what a tragedy. Turns out the child Phineas Nigellus had a nightmare, and caused quite a scene at 4:45 in the morning, but you know what? That doesn't involve me, so I'll let the biped tell that story tomorrow.
Now. On to more important things. We all know that the loss of a feline friend is dreadfully sad, and even felines of my caliber can be moved by the tragedy. So I dedicate this blog entry to our departed feline brother ROLLINS, who passed away at far too young an age. I have it on great authority that his human bipeds were very very good and loving to Rollins, and miss him terribly. I spoke to Stewart this morning after his second breakfast, and he assures me that Rollins is happy as can be in Narnia, and Stewart is glad to have a new friend. Sympathies and headbutts to Cortney and her human biped daughter at the loss of "Ra Ra" and know that I, Lulu, will think of you tonight when I am sleeping and dreaming of Narnia, and all the feline brothers and sisters who have gone before. You have my deepest sympathies. (and that's saying a lot, considering the dignity that I pride myself on.)
Until next week, human biped food slaves,