Y'all? I have done a LOT of writing today, none of it for the blog. I FAIL. I am also wicked nervous about a meeting I cannot talk about which is occurring tomorrow. Dude, I am SORRY I have so many sekrits, but here's the deal.
I COULD have some pretty big things happening in my life soon. OR it could end up being nothing. I, being a very paranoid and superstitious type, have opted not to talk about any of them, lest I end up looking the fool. Does that make sense? I KNOW it's wicked annoying that I hint around about stuff, and trust me, I'd LOVE to tell y'all everything, but I just can't. It'll be the final nail in my coffin of DOOM DOOM DOOM.
So lemme tell you about a genius move I made today. I'm gonna need Common Sense for this one, hold on, she's watching "Hell's Kitchen."
Common Sense: What. Do you want.
Me: We need to talk about the drive to the meds doc today.
CS: OH THAT.
Me: And the dangers of caffeine. And downers. Together.
CS: Yeah, that was a grand idea.
Me: Well lemme explain. I was SUPER tired today, being that I still haven't really caught up on sleep from this weekend, and I was working since last night on my Bachelorette recap, which you can read by clicking on the picture below:
And so MAYBE I had some coffee. Three cups of coffee. Big cups.
CS: You were VIBRATING.
Me: Yes I was.
CS: And to counteract the shaking, what did you do?
Me: This is going to sound terrible.
Me: I took some Klonopin.
CS: THAT'S RIGHT, ladies and gentlemen, she mixed uppers and downers. WHAT A GRAND IDEA.
Me: Listen, I had to drive all the way to the meds doc, and I can't do that if I'm shaking out of my skin.
CS: You shouldn't have had that much coffee to begin with.
Me: And I was good! I felt GREAT!
CS: Because you were full of DRUGS. You IDIOT.
Me: All perfectly legal and prescribed.
CS: Did you tell your meds doc about the combo of crazy?
Me: I most certainly did not.
CS: Of course you didn't. Because you left me at HOME to babysit the cats.
Me: OH. We also have to discuss the situation with Finn.
CS: Your brain is whirling. Finish the meds story.
Me: So I drove to the meds doc all hopped up on uppers and downers and I shouldn't have, and nothing bad happened and I won't do it again, the end.
Me: You think I'm not aware of my moron-osity?
CS: I wonder sometimes, I really do.
Me: Okay, on to Finn.
CS: You really need to make him stop doing this.
Me: I CAN'T. My OVARIES are EXPLODING. Body says GIVE ME A BABY. Brain says ARE YOU INSANE? So I baby the cats.
CS: Tell the nice people what Finn's been doing.
Me: Ok. Um. Finn's been nursing.
CS: On who?
Me: On me.
Me: On my upper lip.
CS: And also?
Me: And also kneading my face like my lip is going to produce milk. LISTEN. I looked this up. It's because he was weaned too fast. He's INSECURE, just like his mama. I'm supposed to STOP HIM? He'll be damaged emotionally for LIFE.
CS: You need to make him stop. Gently discourage it. It's weird and a little gross.
Me: I'll think about it.
CS: No you won't.
Me: No, I really won't.
CS: You are truly fried banana chips insane.
Me: I am fully aware of this.
CS: I'm tired.
Me: Me too. We've been writing all day and we have to get up super early tomorrow and go to the city.
CS: And now we've said too much.
Me: True. Read the Bachelorette recap, won't you? I worked awful hard on it. My fingers are stumps now.
CS: End the blogging, Stumpy.