Many of you know via Twitter or FB that Mr.M broke up with me last night. I'm not talking about it. So let's move on, shall we?
Let's talk about my coffee table. I KNOW. FASCINATING. No no, this is funny. Okay. I'd take a picture of the coffee table, but it's shamefully covered in Monster LoCarb energy drink cans and other ridic sundries, plus there is an orange kitten sleeping on my boobs, so imagine a coffee table with RAZOR SHARP EDGES. I am not even joking. Common Sense, you wanna weigh in on this one?
Common Sense: You're the biggest klutz ever.
Me: That's just unkind.
CS: HOW MANY wounds did you inflict on yourself last night?
CS: DEAD SOBER, I might add.
CS: Spill it, Graceful.
CS: Three. Three gashes in your leg from the coffee table edges last night from stumbling about like a crazy person, WHICH YOU ARE, when you could have easily stayed on the Fainting Couch.
Me: I had to get more Monsters.
CS: Yes, because getting NO SLEEP is exactly what you needed last night.
Me: Not talking about it. Plus, this coffee table has HISTORY. I'm not getting rid of it.
CS: Then you need to get in on this World Cup situation and get yourself some freaking shin guards.
Me: You're hilarious.
CS: I know. Have you mentioned that your left knee is permanently bruised?
Me: The public didn't need to know that.
CS: You need a nap. All three cats are sleeping. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
Me: I'll sleep on the fainting couch.
CS: You'll ROLL OFF OF the fainting couch, hit your head on the razor sharp coffee table, and be all kinds of dead. GO TO THE BED.
CS: Thank Jebuddah.