Bad Mommy: An Actual Conversation

Finn and Toby: *leap on kitchen counter*

Me: Get down. *deposits kittens on floor*

F+T: *leap on kitchen table*

Me: GET DOWN. *unceremoniously drops kittens on floor*

F+T: *leap on kitchen counter*

Me: GEEEEEEEEEET DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN. 

F+T: *lick Chinese food container*

Me: Get down. You're going to get sick. 

F+T: *eat Miss B's Chinese food*

Me: *firmly shoves kittens off counter*

F+T: *leap on counter, eat Miss B's food again*

Me: You're gonna get sick.

Finn: *gets rice container stuck on head*

Me: *laughs for ten minutes, neglects to get on tape, curses world*

F+T: *climb into sink full of dirty dishes, lick plates*

Me: Now you're REALLY gonna get sick. *tosses kittens onto floor*

F+T: *leap back onto counter, lather, rinse, repeat*

Me: I give up. I can't even sit down to eat anymore, because you hateful little beasts SWARM LIKE LOCUSTS, so I have to eat WALKING AROUND so the food actually MAKES IT TO MY MOUTH and I'm covered in claw marks and Finn's nursing on my lip has GOT TO STOP and why didn't I get goldfish and you're driving me directly to the lunatic asylum and GET DOWN I HAVE HAD IT. 

F+T: *lick plates, patently ignoring me*

Me: Fine, have it your way. 

*TIME PASSES*

Finn and Toby: *collapsed in a heap, looking pitiful*

Me: Tummies hurt?

F+T: Eeee.

Me: Little indigestion?

F+T: Eeee. 

Me: Feel a little poorly?

F+T: Eeee. 

Me: Need some Pepto?

F+T: Eeee.

Me: TOO BAD. LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU. People food is for people. Cat food is for cats. Never the twain shall meet. AND STAY OFF THE COUNTER. 

F+T: *blink*

Me: *smugly smirks*

F+T: *blink pitifully*

Me: I'm the worst mommy ever. 

029
 


Comments

Bad Mommy: An Actual Conversation — 6 Comments

  1. They will, however, get the last laugh in the form of kitten gas, which is classified as a deadly weapon in 12 states.

  2. Poor little things…though I’m with you; I’d be laughing my fool ass off at them as well. And mocking them mercilessly to boot. I do that to my cat. And my kids. Guess I’m joining you in the ‘Worst Mommy Ever Club’.

  3. LOL @ kitten gas. I think you need a license to carry the stuff, it’s that bad.
    My kitty is 17, but does this entry ever bring back memories! I was laughing the whole time. Welcome to the Bad Mommy Club; I’ve been a member for as long as I’ve had cats. You get used to it after awhile.

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