You might notice that I had a blog entry up for a while yesterday, and that it's now gone. I hate that I had to do that, I mean, this isn't the McCarthy age, but I learned a LOT of lessons yesterday and one of them was that my openness on the blog can worry people. Even with a disclaimer. Even if they haven't read it yet. It's a heavy lesson in responsibility, and as I said, ironically, on Facebook just the other day, "just because you CAN say something doesn't mean you SHOULD." A lesson learned? I SHOULD TAKE MY OWN DAMN ADVICE. *headdesk*
Another lesson learned was that when something upsets me, or makes my Crazy rear its ugly head? Taking a breath and THINKING before putting things up on the internet is vital. Yesterday I put my foot in my mouth so many times, whether it was on the internet or on the phone, I was choking on shoelaces. Seriously, EVERYTHING I said was either wrong, dumb, ill-thought out, not thought out at all, or insensitive. Everything I said pissed people off or hurt their feelings. And what did I do? I DIDN'T SHUT MY BIG STUPID MOUTH, OH NO. I kept TALKING. Why in the name of baby Jebuddah's dirty diapers didn't I SHUT THE HELL UP? It's a mystery, one that I will work on to not repeat. Lesson learned.
YET ANOTHER lesson learned was that I need to stop letting my emotions run rampant and remember "WWAHD?" That's What Would Audrey Hepburn Do" for the uninitiated. Believe it or not, despite my potty mouth and big black boots, I strive to be a LADY, DAMMIT, and when I received a heartfelt apology yesterday, you know what I DIDN'T DO, which is what Audrey would do? I wasn't GRACIOUS and GRATEFUL. I didn't accept the apology with grace and appreciation. OH NO. I had to blow EVERYTHING out of the water and set fires and club baby seals and tear my hair out. For WHAT? An apology. What is WRONG with me? So yes. What would Audrey do. Gotta keep that in mind. Lesson learned.
One more lesson. I have people who care about me. I forget about that sometimes. That's selfish and self-indulgent of me. I have people in my life who worry about me, and when I go off the deep end, it affects THEM. So before I put a fucking billboard in Times Square advertising my Crazy for all the world to see, I need to step back, shut up, and ponder how it will affect the people who care about me. Selfish. That's what I was yesterday. Today I will try to do better. It's all I can do.
And maybe I should just shut the hell up more often. Silence, as I've heard, is golden.
Who am I kidding? I'm a BLOGGER. I NEVER shut up. But I'm going to do a lot more thinking before I type from now on. I'm not the only one my words affect.