Lessons Learned

You might notice that I had a blog entry up for a while yesterday, and that it's now gone. I hate that I had to do that, I mean, this isn't the McCarthy age, but I learned a LOT of lessons yesterday and one of them was that my openness on the blog can worry people. Even with a disclaimer. Even if they haven't read it yet. It's a heavy lesson in responsibility, and as I said, ironically, on Facebook just the other day, "just because you CAN say something doesn't mean you SHOULD." A lesson learned? I SHOULD TAKE MY OWN DAMN ADVICE. *headdesk*

Another lesson learned was that when something upsets me, or makes my Crazy rear its ugly head? Taking a breath and THINKING before putting things up on the internet is vital. Yesterday I put my foot in my mouth so many times, whether it was on the internet or on the phone, I was choking on shoelaces. Seriously, EVERYTHING I said was either wrong, dumb, ill-thought out, not thought out at all, or insensitive. Everything I said pissed people off or hurt their feelings. And what did I do? I DIDN'T SHUT MY BIG STUPID MOUTH, OH NO. I kept TALKING. Why in the name of baby Jebuddah's dirty diapers didn't I SHUT THE HELL UP? It's a mystery, one that I will work on to not repeat. Lesson learned.

YET ANOTHER lesson learned was that I need to stop letting my emotions run rampant and remember "WWAHD?" That's What Would Audrey Hepburn Do" for the uninitiated. Believe it or not, despite my potty mouth and big black boots, I strive to be a LADY, DAMMIT, and when I received a heartfelt apology yesterday, you know what I DIDN'T DO, which is what Audrey would do? I wasn't GRACIOUS and GRATEFUL. I didn't accept the apology with grace and appreciation. OH NO. I had to blow EVERYTHING out of the water and set fires and club baby seals and tear my hair out. For WHAT? An apology. What is WRONG with me? So yes. What would Audrey do. Gotta keep that in mind. Lesson learned. 

One more lesson. I have people who care about me. I forget about that sometimes. That's selfish and self-indulgent of me. I have people in my life who worry about me, and when I go off the deep end, it affects THEM. So before I put a fucking billboard in Times Square advertising my Crazy for all the world to see, I need to step back, shut up, and ponder how it will affect the people who care about me. Selfish. That's what I was yesterday. Today I will try to do better. It's all I can do.

And maybe I should just shut the hell up more often. Silence, as I've heard, is golden. 

Who am I kidding? I'm a BLOGGER. I NEVER shut up. But I'm going to do a lot more thinking before I type from now on. I'm not the only one my words affect. 

Lessons learned.  


Lessons Learned — 12 Comments

  1. I often don’t think about the other people I can hurt with my rants when I do have them. I do try to think before I speak and often times I’m not very successful at it. My only saving grace is crappy Internet service. So by the time I get ready to post something I know I’ll regret later, my Internet shuts down and by the time it’s back up again I realize phew I dodge a bullet.
    That is about all I’m thankful to Time Warner for.
    Great post.

  2. If it helps, I wasn’t freaked out, or calling Intervention, or pissed at you. I took you at face value that you needed to vent and I just want you to know you have a lot of folks that are here for you and I’m not judging you.

  3. Likewise. I missed the errant entry, but I could tell from Twitter that it was simply a bad day. I knew you’d rebound. I’m glad you having a better day today.

  4. What worries me is that stuff like this will make you feel like you aren’t entitled to these feelings. You should be able to get angry and vent without folks freaking out that you’re going to do yourself in. I’m glad they care but you need an outlet. Maybe the internet’s not the best one, but if not this, I hope you have some friends IRL you can yell about it to. Everybody needs friends they can freak out to.

  5. I am willing to bet that even the great Audrey Hepburn had those days when she just wanted to burn this bitch down. We all have those days of relative uncertainty and despair. I don’t care what anyone says, we all have our own brand of crazy inside. Some people choose not to let the crazy out and keep every little thing inside. Others? Well, Miss, you are one of those fine few that allow people to know and feel what is exactly going on in your beautifully twisted mind. And I, for one, thank you for that.

  6. I think that this one of the hardest lessons for anyone to learn and you have it extra hard being bipolar. I am glad that you are able to see the error in what happened yesterday, that shows you, as well as the meds working correctly, are well under control of yourself and I think that’s great news. I am sorry you had a shitty day yesterday though and I am glad it is better today!!! 🙂

  7. Its been a lifelong problem for me.. spouting off my mouth before I think. Tact is not my strong point. .. the dh tells me that I am honest sometimes to the point of being brutal.

  8. My sweet MissB, please know that even when you embrace “Your Crazy” you are speaking for many of us who have no outlet. While I missed the blog yesterday (a rare occurrence) I felt your pain in your tweets. As it escalated I kinda felt like a mama bear & wished I could stand between you & those hurting you. I’m so sorry you let them get to you. That’s the time you put on your happy music or favorite show, let Finn nurse on your lip & IGNORE things for a day or two. Be happy. Even though we are only on your computer, we love you & want the best for you. (Sometimes that is a primal scream) say what ever you want or need to say & live your life your way. Love ya

  9. I hope whatever it is, that you’re alright. I know I don’t KNOW you, but I read you a lot… And when you’re gone for a little while, I worry. I hope in those gaps between posts that the world is being kind to you, because you seem so very kind to it.
    And hey? My mom used to say, “Don’t let the bastards get you down,” and it’s good to remember that. Especially if the bastards are your emotions or frailties or insecurities. Because you’re wonderful. And you don’t need to be down.

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