You Are Honored and Privileged To Get This Blog Entry

BECAUSE IT IS FROM ME, LULU, ASSHOLES!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!

I suppose you thought I had run away or something, yes? Nonsense. I have been ELUSIVE. Like a NINJA. And sulky. I have been in a delicious sulk for many months now. Ever since the children came home. Those stupid kittens have wreaked havoc on my household for MONTHS now, and so I wither away and sulk.

No, really. I sit on the big chair and sulk. All the days and into the nights. That's why I haven't been writing. When Stewart was here, as much as I barely tolerated him, we INTERACTED. These moronic furballs? I want nothing to do with them.

Me: That's a lie.

Lulu: SILENCE, HUMAN BIPED FOOD SLAVE.

Me: I saw what you did.

Lulu: I did nothing.

Me: Before. With Finn.

Lulu: Nonsense. 

Me: You forget already? Your memory's going, old lady.

Lulu: I AM NOT OLD. I am in my PRIME.

Me: I'll remind you what happened. Ten minutes ago.

Lulu: I despise you. 

Me: I know. So you were sitting on Finn.

Lulu: Yes. He is small and stupid. Also soft. I sit on him often.

Me: And you were chewing on his head.

Lulu: Also not uncommon.

Me: THEN IT HAPPENED.

Lulu: Nothing happened. 

Me: YOU LICKED HIS EARS.

Lulu: Queen of LIES.

Me: You were covering him with SWEET KISSES.

Lulu: Shut your filthy noise-hole.

Me: You looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove Finny.

Lulu: You could not be more wrong. Why do you LIE every moment of your life?

Me: I saw it. I moved one NANO-MILLIMETER to get the camera and you ran off, but oh buddy, I SAW IT.

Lulu: Yawn. Pics or it didn't happen. Everybody knows this.

Me: You moved very fast for someone so…

Lulu: Watch it.

Me: Curvaceous. 

Lulu: Well played.

Me: Anyway, what about at dinnertime? When Finny follows you around like he's glued to your side?

Lulu: You're making this all up. That never happens.

Me: LIKE A WEE LITTLE PILOTFISH!!!!!

Lulu: Goodbye, asshole. I'm turning my back to you for the remainder of the day AND night. You do not exist to me.

Me: I can still see you.

Lulu: Silence.

Me: I mean, it's difficult for you to hide. Being so…

Lulu: OI!

Me: Rubenesque.

Lulu: Can this blog please be over. You bore me. Also, I have your death to plan.

Me: It's hard to transcribe with Toby on my head. The blog can be over. 

Lulu: Good. 

Me: Say goodbye to the nice people. 

Lulu: Au revoir, bipeds. So glad we had this talk. And remember, every word out of her mouth is a LIE.

Me: If it makes you feel good to think that, you go right ahead and think that, KITTEN KISSER.

Lulu: Someone. Please. Save me.

026
 


Comments

You Are Honored and Privileged To Get This Blog Entry — 5 Comments

  1. Oh Lulu, I’d be your ‘human biped food slave’ if I could. But I gotta say, I just love the picture of the two of you on the rug. I have a picture of my little sister and me when we were 1 and 4 that looks just like that: me scowling, her so tiny with one little paw just touching me.
    Glad to hear from you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge