Common Sense: Dude.
Me: I know. No one wants to read about fleas.
CS: Absolutely no one.
Me: Let's not talk about it anymore.
CS: Let's talk about BlogHer. It's a rule, we have to.
Me: I'll be under the couch.
CS: GET OUT. Talk about BlogHer like a big girl.
Me: (under couch) I'm so uncool.
CS: We all knew that already.
Me: I dress like an attention seeking 15 year old emo kid.
CS: WE ALL KNEW THAT ALREADY TOO.
Me: The internet hates me.
CS: God almighty, woman, shut up. The internet can't be buggered to hate you. You're just the one who talks to herself a lot with all the cats. Don't flatter yourself.
Me: Okay, you want to know how I feel about BlogHer10?
CS: Please. Tell. I'm beside myself with anticipation. Hurry up.
Me: I had a wonderful time. I love everyone. I've never felt such a sense of belonging and safety in a group of people that big. It was so awesome to see everyone from last year, and all my MamaPop peeps, and to meet all sorts of new people. I had a great time. Wouldn't trade it for anything.
Me: But now it's the next day, and I'm wracked with self-loathing.
CS: Why, in the name of pants, would you be wracked with self-loathing when you JUST SAID you had a wonderful time? You're not making a single bit of sense. I should know, sense is my specialty, after all.
Me: Because I'm the nerd hiding in the bathroom at lunchtime praying no one finds me.
CS: It wasn't HIGH SCHOOL, it was BLOGHER. You're an adult now. Act like one. And stop with the self-indulgent self-consciousness, it's not cute.
Me: I really don't need this from you right now. Where's Little Danielle? She'll understand.
CS: You can't talk to her right now.
Me: But…she's ME! Of COURSE I can talk to her!
CS: She's in worse shape than you are. She's in the closet reading Judy Blume and crying. As per usual.
Me: Oh no. I'll get her some cookies.
Me: Thank you.
CS: You had a ball. Sure you fucked up some, like not finding @musingvirtual and barely talking to all those people you were dying to see and of course the deer in highlights stare and you STILL haven't gotten the balls up to introduce yourself to @Chookooloonks or @Sundry because you're a dork and they're beautiful and popular, but you managed yourself! You went to PARTIES for god's sack. YOU DANCED AT SPARKLECORN.
Me: Like a lunatic, I danced.
CS: But you DID it.
Me: My knees still hurt. And I fell down that one time.
CS: You're determined to flog yourself for no reason, aren't you?
Me: Just saving others the trouble.
CS: You are driving me directly to the lunatic asylum. Will you STOP, please? You're SO annoying. Be grateful. Be gracious. What would Audrey Hepburn do?
Me: *scowls* Be grateful and gracious and a lady.
CS: My point, she has been made.
Me: Okay, I'll write an actual recap of BlogHer later. When I'm not so crazy.
CS: I won't hold my breath.
Me: Tomorrow! I will write it tomorrow.
CS: We'll see. Come on, you have to recap "The Bachelor Pad" tonight and we need some dinner.
CS: Say goodbye to all the lovely people who were so nice to you at BlogHer, you jerk.
Me: Talk to you later, you beautiful wonderful people, you! Next entry will be more sane.
Me: Next entry I will TRY to be more sane.
CS: That's better.