The Same Thing Happens Every Night

Me: I'm so bored.

CS: *yawns* Me too. 

Me: So. Very. Bored.

CS: We could read!

Me: No attention span to read. 

CS: We could watch a movie!

Me: Do you KNOW how LONG movies are? I can't pay attention to a plot for two hours. That's crazy talk right there.

CS: We could clean the apartment!

Me: HAHAHHAHA. No. 

CS: So what in the name of god's pants are we gonna do?

Me; I DON'T KNOW. Have imaginary conversations? Cause that's SO healthy in the brain department. 

CS: There are a million things we could do. Productive things. USEFUL things.

Me: I'm too damn tired to do anything but dully scan the internet and watch politico television all night.

CS: Like we do every night.

Me: Exactly. All night and into the day.

CS: It got better for a few days there.

Me: That was grand, wasn't it? Sleeping? We went to bed and cozied up to the big body pillow and listened to Harry Potter till we just drifted away.

CS: For HOURS!

Me: For MANY hours! Remember the night we got 6 straight hours of sleep?

CS: That was awesome. 

Me: It was a cruel tease, is what it was. Oooh! Remember the night we took the sleeping meds and they actually worked?

CS: Sigh. Yeah. That was grand. 

Me: We can't go on more of those. 

CS: No way.

Me: What we're on now should knock out a rhino. No more meds. 

CS: There are so many chemicals in our body. 

Me: And yet, so very little result!

CS: It's funny, isn't it. How that works. 

Me: Wee fistfuls of medication, three times a day. 

CS: Teeny tiny returns. 

Me: Man, what I'd give for a manic fit. I'd clean the apartment THEN. 

CS: Hell, I'd settle for a nice hard depression. We could sleep THEN. 

Me: For someone so incredibly effed up, we are so boring right now.

CS: We should do something. Something EPIC.

Me: NEW TATTOO!

CS: No money for that. 

Me: Let's shave our head again! That's free!

CS: We're in a wedding in a few weeks. We can't shave our head. That wold be rude.

Me: Um…We could…i'm running out of body modification ideas.

CS: Tragic, that. 

Me: What's open at 3 am? We could go for a drive!

CS: There are so many things that are absurd about that statement I don't know where to begin. 

Me: Dunkin' Donuts is open. HEY LET'S GO GET SOME COFFEE!

CS: No. The last thing we need right now is coffee. 

Me: You are the opposite of fun. 

CS: And what's with the "let's go somewhere" shit anyway? You don't drive at night, dippy. 

Me: You could drive!

CS: I'm a figment of your imagination. And I don't have a licence. 

Me: There's no gas in the car anyway. 

CS: YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TODAY. 

Me: Yesterday. It's tomorrow now. 

CS: How many sunrises this week?

Me: Too damn many. 

CS: Let's TRY the bed. 

Me: The bed IS nice.

CS: The bed is vair nice. And the iPod is all charged up. We're ready! Ready for SLEEPING! 

Me: Except we don't do that anymore. 

CS: Nope. 

Me: No rest for the wicked. 

CS: We could go imaginary shopping on the internet!

Me: That's just getting depressing. 

CS: This whole conversation is depressing. Let's GO TO THE BED.

Me: And do what, exactly? Get up fifty eleven times to check all the locks on the door? Make sure the stove is off twelve times? Cling to the body pillow like a rhesus monkey and reflect on the fact that no one is ever going to share a bed with us again, ever ever EVER because we're an old dusty spinster incapable of being loved? Yes, let's do that. Let's get in the bed and do THAT dance till the sun comes up. 

CS: Well you know what would help with the whole "sharing a bed with someone ever again" bit.

Me: Don't you dare lecture me. 

CS: I was just going to speculate that perhaps referring to yourself as "we" isn't helping in the dating department. 

Me: Fair point.

CS: Also you never leave the house. 

Me: Also a fair point. Listen, I don't want to talk about this right now, it's bumming me out. 

CS: Well it's just us, so what DO you want to talk about?

Me: I want pudding. 

CS: It's 3 am. No pudding. No coffee. C'mon, let's try the bed. 

Me: SIGH.

CS: Come oooooooooooon…we can play blanket cave!

Me: What if I miss something?

CS: LIKE WHAT? It's 3 in the bloody morning!

Me: I dunno. Something could happen. And I'd miss it. And where will we be then? Hmm? Up shit creek without a paddle, that's where we'd be. 

CS: WE are turning off the computer now. WE are getting into the bed and WE are staying there for at least four hours, whether we sleep or not. 

Me: What was the point of all this? This prattling on about nothing?

CS: We're ILLUSTRATING what our brain does to us every night for the nice internet people. 

Me: Well that's not very nice of us. 

CS: Whyever would you say that?

Me: Cause we're BORING. How about that pudding?

CS: No pudding. 

Me: No. Fun. Ever.

*DING!*

Me: WOO!!! A text!!!!

CS: Oh COME ON, you were almost getting into the bed!!!!

Me: It's only midnight on the west coast, yanno. Yay, a text. Hello, friend on the west coast! Of course I'm not sleeping, I CAN CHAT ALL NIGHT!

CS: I give up. I'll be in my bunk. 

Me: This was vair enlightening to our readers, don't you think so? 

CS: Sure, in a "not at all" kind of way. 

Me: Killed half an hour.

CS: There's something to be said for that. What are you doing now?

Me: Texting Rajkumari about pudding. 

CS: Fine. I'm going to bed. And I'm going to hog the covers AND the body pillow.

Me: *waves CS away* Shh, I'm busy. 

CS: Don't make coffee. OR PUDDING. 

Me: Shh. 

CS: Impossible woman. 


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