One Flew East And One Flew West…

…and then Miss Banshee went to the Cuckoo's Nest. 

Today my therapist said to me that if she had it her way, I'd be in the psych ward, detoxing off ALL my meds, and starting fresh on new ones. The ones I'm taking clearly aren't helping, and I'm taking way, WAY too much, anyway. She can't believe that I'm able to function at ALL with this amount of drugs in my system, and that if she was calling the shots, I'd be at Columbia Presbyterian in NYC doing some time inpatient, to get off the meds and on new ones, but I don't have insurance and obviously could never pay for it, so I have to either wait for my Medicaid to kick in come March, or if things get too out of hand, see if I can get charity care for my local loony bin and do it there a lot sooner. 

So that's what's weighing on my brain right now. I might have a lot to say about it in the next couple of days as the concept (because it IS still just a concept) sinks in, or I might not say another word about it. Things could improve before March, or this might become a necessity within the month. There's really nothing concrete I can say one way or another about it as of now. Money, as always, is paramount, so when I get back from Savannah on the 13th, we'll see where we stand. 

Right now, I have a wedding to go to. I leave on Wednesday and get back on the 13th, so my internet use will be spotty at best, but I'll write again before I go, probably this weekend. I have a feeling that with everything that's going on, I'll be on the blog a lot, but I've said that and done the opposite in the past, so who the hell knows. 

Oh, and a special note to the smattering of people who insist on contacting me CONSTANTLY to say that my bipolar is:

A. Fake/Attention ploy

B. Misdiagnosed

C. Something I just need to pray about

D. All of the above

Please stop. You might think you're helping, but you're not. And to that special someone who thinks I'm making all this up for attention? Yeah, I'm calling you out on the blog. Cut that shit out, you're really upsetting me, which I'm sure was your intention in the first place, and you're probably whacking off because I'm even mentioning it here, but for the love of pants, THERE. I gave you your little 15 seconds of fame, you who I will not name, but know exactly who you are. Stop. You're really not helping at all, and I WILL send the Banshee readers after you if you continue this shit. And you don't want to deal with my readers. They'll cut you deep. Cause I've got the best readers on the entire internet, TRUFAX. 

xoxo

Miss B

One_flew_over_the_cuckoos_nest-1
 


Comments

One Flew East And One Flew West… — 25 Comments

  1. uummm that book is next in my TO READ pile… maybe I should read it now…
    anyway you know how I feel about this so that is all I wanted to say.
    Have fun in GA and tell the happy couple who have no idea who *I* am I say congrats!!

  2. Wow. That really sucks about the meds situation and I hope you find a way around the loony bin, but if not, I hope the loony bin is able to help.
    And who the hell would actually post that you’re attention seeking, for goodness sake? If that’s what he/she/it/they think then they should go the frak away and read some other frakin’ blog.
    Frak right off, is what I say to him/her/it/them. They’re just being mean for the sake of meanness and that is all.
    If anybody here is attention whoring, it’s the mean mother frakkers posting unsupportive, nasty comments.
    People suck.
    Except you. You’re pretty awesome.
    Have fun at the wedding!

  3. I am going to quit calling them trolls and start calling them “Poo-Flinging Monkeys.” Because they are obviously people who have so little going on that all they have in their life is a big steaming pile of crap, which they insist on flinging at anyone who looks vulnerable.
    I hope you have a great time in Savannah. Muchas smooches.

  4. We love you…and hope you get the best care you can possibly get.
    Sometimes I think it would be really good for my body to get off the meds. 6 years with Paxil. Clonazepam for the bad times. I worry it’ll permanently scar my brain. But the idea of being without them is too terrifying.
    Good luck my little squirrel…

  5. Yeah, because being bipolar is so much fun, it’s a thrill to fake! Before you know it, all the cool kids will be doing it.
    Sistah, puh-lease. Forget him.
    Enjoy the wedding. You are a strong and beautiful person! Remember that!
    ~k

  6. I like your therapist. It seems like she actually cares. Those types are hard to find.
    Now, I don’t really have a grasp on your current prescriptions, but I think these links might be worth a read/a conversation with your doctor.
    http://www.animi-3.com/depression.aspx
    http://www.sam-e.com/about
    Last December my therapist reluctantly suggested I start taking meds. About a month later I got into see a psychiatrist she recommended and we had a chat. I made it clear to him that I was reluctant to take prescription meds due to two previous failed attempts (Zoloft & Welbutrin). It was his suggestion that I try Sam-E and Animi-3. The combination has been used in Europe for several years with positive results and is just now making its way to the States. Within 2 weeks I felt improvement. I haven’t felt this good in, hell, maybe ever.
    Sam-E is available over the counter and is a naturally occurring chemical in the body. The logic is that people who suffer from a lack of Sam-E are more prone to depression. Increasing the level with a supplement helps return the balance. The most potent & reliable supplements are sold by Nature Made & GNC.
    As for Animi-3, you can either get the prescription (which is pricey), or take the vitamins it’s comprised of separately and save a lot of cash (I went with the latter).
    /shill
    Feel free to ignore the above if it’s not applicable. I just wanted to put it out there in case it might be of some help.
    Enjoy the wedding and travel safely!

  7. I feel like this sounds lame…. but please let me know if I can help at all. We’re just right down the road. I’m not sure what I could do. Maybe if you just need to get out of your place and have a little fresh air. Or just come sit on someone else’s couch and watch someone else’s tv. We’re usually just here… running around doing stuff.

  8. Miss B…The day I graduated from high school (a catholic high school) my principal pulled me aside and said to me, “don’t let the bastards get you down!” I was floored to hear that from the head nun, but she was right. She was a very cool lady. I never forgot it. Words to live by. You have way more fans than haters. I just hope we (umm fans) give you enough reason to carry on with your wonderful writing style on this blog. You are a gem.

  9. wow… that’s got to be a lot to process… honestly it sounds like a fantastic idea… getting it all out of your system and start fresh… and I’d bet it wouldn’t be that bad to feel totally crazy for that period… (I totally get how you feel…) when ever I complained about feeling like I was going crazy my mother use to tell me it was normal to feel that way… it is sooooooo not normal to feel the why I felt but in my mother’s defense most of our family suffer from one form of mental disorder (including mostly bi-polar) luckily for my generation (brother and cousins) we TALK about it and we are support systems for each other (unlike the older generation, my mom and her siblings, who never talked about it and lost members of our family to suicide)
    I also take the herbal “meds” b/c I have yet to find a rx that has actually helped… everything I ever tried worked for a while then I would go crazy manic or severally depressed… one thing that helps me stay “in check” is I try to advocate mental health awareness and support the american foundation for suicide prevention… I can’t stand ignorant F#&%S who either think people are faking for attention or think they should just “get over it” they clearly haven’t ever dealt with anything….
    I swear if I ever saw you walking down the street, I would have to just give you a big hug… I hope you get this stuff figured out, I know how asinine all this health care shit is…
    (love the hair by the way!)

  10. I know it’s easy for me to sit here and tell you to ignore that ignorant asshole who tells you that you are an attention seeker (which you obviously are not), but as much as it is possible, please try to. He is clearly a miserable, friendless person who has nothing better to do than make you feel bad, and is no better than a poo-flinging monkey, as Suebob said. Well, worse, actually, because sometimes the monkeys are at least a little entertaining, when the poo hits the right person. If he keeps it up, you just let us know and we can let our own monkeys loose on him, k? I also love the hair, and I hope you have a grand time at the wedding. Love!

  11. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Stephen Fry. He is a supremely talented, creative, learned, erudite, amusing, charming, highly intelligent and supremely productive, magnificent human being, who is also bipolar. (Most people may also know him as the best friend and former roommate and comedy partner of Hugh Laurie.)
    Mr. Fry won an international Emmy for his BBC documentary about his investigation of his bipolarity, entitled “The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive.” It includes interviews with other famous folks who are bipolar, including Carrie Fisher and Richard Dreyfuss.
    I believe you may find this is a good thing to watch right now. You can watch it for free (illegally, of course, but apparently safely) at this link: http://video.yandex.ru/users/stephenfry-ru/collection/6/
    In the meantime, dear, you hang in there. You’re in good company, and there are lurkers (like me) who read your blog and find the world far more fun because the good Miss Banshee is in it. 😉

  12. I find it reassuring that the meds doc isn’t the only voice, and that your therapist is in your corner. I so want your situation to be somehow fixable, managable, liveable. I know this isn’t a political corner of the web, but your not having insurance makes me so angry at the world. You should be able to just choose to do what you think you need. Wishing you the best. PS Ignore the stupid trolls.

  13. The advice is correct. Detox. Get clean. Start fresh. It’s clear from your tweets that your current regime is broken. Every time you mention Ambien I shudder. Prescription meds can be dangerous — that’s why they’re prescription. Your meds have spiraled out of control. And begin yourself with cutting down on caffeine. Get an instant coffee sub like Caffix or non-caffeinated Nescafe. Mix it 50-50 with your coffee. And start walking. Meander. No plan. Walking generates calm. It aids in the reduction of excessive self-monitoring. It increases appetite. Take a book. Stop in a cafe. Read. Create a zone for yourself apart from your computer. And listen to that shrink. It sounds to me as if she’s very correct.

  14. Oh Miss B, I wish there is something, anything we could do. Regarding your trolly-troll, I have a lot of pent up agression and have been needing to take batting practice anyway. Knee caps are just about the bottom of the strike zone…
    Have a fabulous time at the wedding and your shrink sounds like she’s got a good plan. I wish I could ‘make it so’ but Picard isn’t listening to me these days.

  15. I like Ebert’s advice a lot. My nurse practitioner wrote “walk 15 minutes a day, anywhere. Just walk” on my rx pad with my prescription and a website for organizing your life because my ADD and bad times go hand in hand, pretty much. It really can be great, just to move, although sometimes it’s hard to get started.
    Anyway, I am on one pill — ONE — that can make me feel weird sometimes as much as it’s meant to help. If there are several I can’t imagine how complicated it could get. I am hopeful that you can get the relief you need, and I hope it comes sooner than later, before a whole winter has to pass, but I know it will be the right time when it happens.
    I hope the sunshine and ocean air in Savannah help too. I love it there. So beautiful.
    Finally, I know you know that we of your online family are here whenever you need to reach out.

  16. As ever, I think that anyone who has nothing better to do with their time than to try to make someone with a medical condition feel worse needs to step back & take a good look in the mirror, because “stupid” only works as an excuse so far. After a while, you are either evil or pathetic or both, and you need to spend some time with yourself figuring out why the hell you need to be like that, rather than attacking strangers on the internet.
    It seems like more and more people suffer from a lack of both empathy & imagination, leaving them completely incapable of putting themselves in someone else’s shoes. If they would just stay in their own dumb bubble, that’d be fine, I guess, but for some reason many of them react to their own lack of emotional capacity by setting their switch permanently on “judge” and spewing their ignorance all over the rest of us. And to that I say BOO and also feh.
    Does your therapist think you could get admitted to a hospital/short term care facility if you go in through an ER? While I can’t imagine that’d be an appealing option for you, given your previous blog entry, the sad, weird quirk of the mental health system in most states is that it’s far easier to get admitted “involuntarily” somewhere than it is to get help by saying, quite reasonably, “I need help.”
    It’s not the happiest option, but may be a last ditch consideration should things become intolerable before March.
    In the meantime, please do put on your boogie shoes and enjoy the hell out of the wedding!

  17. “And you don’t want to deal with my readers. They’ll cut you deep.”
    We totally will.
    Also? You’ve got Roger Fucking Ebert in your corner. Betcha the assholes trying to make you feel low can’t say that.
    I know how easy it can be to get fixated on the people who don’t like or appreciate you, rather than the ones who do. I do that myself. A lot. But do as I say, not as I do, and don’t let the bastards grind you down too much, hmm? And have a grand time in Savannah!!

  18. I have no words. How could anyone be so tactless and hurtful?
    And as Lizzie said, with Roger Ebert on your side, you are golden! His advice makes a certain sense too.
    Be well.

  19. Oh, doll. Please take whatever help you can get if it’s offered. Just the insomnia by itself would be enough to drive a person insane. Maybe a detox would help. Best wishes to you – we are rooting for you.

  20. Dear Miss Banshee– you are SO right that your readers (who are also your friends and love you) will kick ass. Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
    For what it’s worth, I completely agree with Roger Ebert regarding the cutting down of caffeine and walking. Walking saved my mind and my life–being outdoors helped me calm down, settle in and really see what was right and wrong with many things.
    Please, please don’t stop writing to us, we love you and all of our up-stretched arms will help hold you when you feel you can’t hold yourself up anymore. I hope that made sense.
    I love you, Miss B.
    Nadine the Minx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge