Standing Up

I lost a friend today. Or someone I considered a friend. Apparently, this, my status message on bloody Facebook of all things, was enough to be bullied to tears by someone who I have known for over a decade.

“Don’t feel bad if you don’t wear purple today. Feel bad if you don’t stand up to homophobia”

My statement was that the anti-bullying movement and support of the LGBT community, especially the young people, is not a a symbol we can wear on a shirt. It’s an action we have to be proactive at. I didn’t wear purple today. But I lost a friend who thinks there’s nothing wrong with bullying others, even me, his own friend, another ADULT, to tears.

I hate that I cry at the drop of a hat, that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but as I read the comments made with such blatant disregard to my feelings, the feelings of other people who could visit my page, including my parents, and my LGBT friends especially, I sobbed. It’s a weakness of mine I own up to, and have dealt with since I was a bullied child.

Obviously, this really has little to do with my friend, or wearing purple, or homophobia, really. It has to do with me. My beliefs. What I am willing to stand up for and damn the consequences. I didn’t want to engage in name calling and hateful words. Not on MY page. Not for MY friends to see. When he “defriended” me, I stopped crying and began thinking, really thinking, about what had just happened.

We live behind computer screens, tapping out opinions that we may never have the strength to say face to face. But I am the same person behind the screen as I am looking someone in the eyes. My friend’s words burned me, and I cried, and he made a dramatic statement in defriending me. That our friendship was not worth a discussion, or even a full blown knock down drag out fight, to preserve.

I stand by what I write. Here, and everywhere else that bears my signature. I make mistakes, sometimes huge ones, public ones, embarrassing and humiliating ones. I make bad decisions. I screw the fuck up sometimes. Hardcore fucking up.

But I didn’t today. I lost a friend, but I stood by my word. And the tears were worth it.

Love is love, people. When are we ever going to stop fighting about LOVE?


Standing Up — 10 Comments

  1. I Love You, Miss Banshee, for standing behind and believing in love.

    Thank You from The Lesbian Minx

    P.S. This is the first time I came out for myself in a comment.

  2. This just sucks. I was always the fat kid, so I too was bullied, and I’m now hypervigilant to it as a teacher.

    I do my best to kindly redirect children who are being cruel, because I truly believe that sometimes they don’t know any better. But cruel, bullying adults? Unacceptable. When did we become a nation of people that condone hatred and cruelty for hatred and cruelty’s sake?

    Also? “Love is love, people. When are we ever going to stop fighting about LOVE?” <—- AMEN!!!

  3. Sweetie, if you lost a “friend” over that comment, he wasn’t a friend after all. Wearing purple for a day, or a week, is fine and all, but what REALLY counts is standing up for what you believe in, day after day, week after week, year in and year out. Walk your talk 24/7/365and1/4; don’t just do the PC thing for a few hours one day and then crawl back into your anonymity.

    You go, girl.

  4. Miss Banshee when I read your posting on twitter I thought, ‘this is the best comment I have read today about wearing purple’ you can be all for supporting GLBT issue one day a year but if you don’t back up your wardrobe with action what’s the point.

    I am so sorry your ‘friend’ was a total asshole but was so impressed that you stood your ground no matter how much it hurt. I hope the ache of the loss goes away soon. He doesn’t deserve your friendship.

  5. I’m sorry you had to deal with this from a “friend” or really anyone for that matter? What the hell? What makes people feel good about bullying anyone? I just can’t get a handle on it. Anyway, I am so happy that you found the strength to stand your ground for what you believe in and since I know you hate any confrontation…I am so proud of you! I hope that you continue to be able to always stand your ground no matter what “friends” you may offend/lose (which by the way..GOOD RIDDANCE TO AN IGNORANT IDIOT!)Keep your head up and your shoulders squared! 🙂

  6. Today I saw the last part of the Dr Phil show. (I swear, it was an accident! I never watch it, ever!) There were 2 couples who apparently have filed over 300 lawsuits against each other over an issue with their kids/stepkids. Dr Phil said “I’ve been listening to you guys for an hour and never once did any of you say ‘What can I do to help stop this situation so our kids can have a peaceful life?'”

    Thank you for being that one who will make a stand for what is right, even if it is so painful. I believe you reap what you sow and you have sown some amazing courage and love today.

    And btw, he has NO clue what a great friend he has walked away from!

  7. I love you too, Miss! About that asshatted Facebook clown? My Southern grandma would say “good riddance to bad rubbish.” There’s just no excuse for that kind of behavior in anyone over the age of 7.

    Keep fighting!

  8. I agree. It was wonderful that there was a day of unity.. of wearing purple, but what about all the days after? Do we forget and go on “business as usual?” NO! Your quote was indeed the BEST ONE I read all day.
    And good for you for being the same on and off line. I’m that way too. Cant be any other way.. I don’t know how to be.
    Holly B last post: Man-Whore

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