I do my best thinking when I’m outside on my porch, smoking and eavesdropping on my neighbors as they fight. It’s also where I see Mr. Outside Cat, and fill him in on where I am, brainpan wise, where I check on Aw, An Old Man, and wonder about things and stuff as I puff away like I own the place.
I don’t really own the place.
The cutting down on smoking thing has been easier than I thought, I just made it a new rule. New Rule! Nooooo smoking in the car. Not the hardest thing in the world, I rarely drive long distances, as I HATE driving, and smoking while driving is a distraction, and trust me, between the crap radio station I listen to for all my Bon Jovi and Lady Gaga needs (I hear you judging me, why don’t you just zip it, I don’t have a cd player in my car, okay???) and the abject panic of driving in general, I don’t need another distraction. So it hasn’t been too bad.
I’ve also tried to cut down at home, as it is the end of the month and money is non-existent, so I buy 100s and smoke half of one, put it out, and then next time I want to smoke, I smoke the other half. It satisfies my OCD craving of the ritual of smoking with half the consumption.
I’ll probably get the galloping consumption from smoking.
The weather has started to turn, which I enjoy immensely. I hated living places that had no seasons, it just seemed…wrong, like we were being gypped out of a tradition. I love getting hoodies and sweaters out for the fall, and the weather is perfect for my hat collection, which is always a treat. So I love fall. It’s not icy out yet, but it’s not fourteen million degrees like it was all summer. I dislike that immensely. I am a delicate flower, and I wilt in the heat.
Actually I sweat like a fieldhand, and that is decidedly Not Cute, so…welcome Fall! It’s good to have you back.
Oh hi, Mr. Outside Cat! How are you this morning? Yeah, it’s super early. No, I have no idea if it was Daylight Savings last night or not. All my clocks turn automatically, so I’ll have to check in the car if the time changed. Nah, I can’t be buggered to do it now. Does it really matter, in the long run? It will still be earlier than I needed to get up, and yet another day that I’m up with the dawn because of the damn cats.
Oh not you, Mr. Outside. You never wake me up, it’s the little bastards I have inside that wake me up. Yeah, it blows. Pardon my language, Mr. Outside, how terribly uncouth of me. Yeah, it’s something I really have to work on, the potty mouth. Oh, I swear like a drunken sailor, it runs in the family. No, it’s fine around them, it’s on the internet that I have to be careful. Well I don’t want to offend anyone, I mean, my lordo, I put up a pic of my bellybutton and people went bonkers. My bellybutton! Offends delicate constitutions, I suppose. Oh do you like it? It’s new. A little silly, I know, but it’s got fake rubies in it! And I got the go ahead from Facebook that if I want to bling out my bellybutton I should go right ahead, and hot damn, I’m going to. Thank you, Mr. Outside, I like it too.
Is there anything else I should cover? Meet The Press is on in half an hour and I should do some real work before then. I think I’ve yammered quite enough. Well, thanks for joining me on the porch, let’s do this again soon, okay? But I really am going to quit soon, really.
Just not today.