Me: HALP! HALP!
Common Sense: What? I thought you weren’t doing these conversations for a while. It’s cheaty, you know. Write some real content.
Me: I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I can’t pick a topic!
CS: I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit. You have 25 Days of Torture to choose from. No topic my ass.
Me: I don’t WANT to do that. It’s depressing and I’m not in the damn mood.
CS: Well fine, we can chat, but don’t come whining to me about not having a topic when there are 25 freaking heart-wrenching topics for you to choose from right there.
Me: Fine. But…the blog today? Won’t be one of them.
CS: Thanks, dippy, I gleaned that from the whole “typing out an Actual Conversation” cheaty thing you’re doing right now.
Me: Well I got up too damn early.
CS: To technology fail, I might add.
Me: Total techno-fail.
CS: You could go vote! It’s Election Day! You’re so excited!
Me: I am! Election Day is so exciting! Live results! Maddow getting giddy! What will happen?!!??!
Me: Complete dork. I am a politics nerd.
CS: It’s okay. You’re a nerd in every other way, it’s good to be well rounded.
Me: Thank you.
CS: Anyway, go vote!
Me: At the TRAIN STATION? At RUSH HOUR? Are you on PCP? No, I’ll go in the afternoon, it’ll be crowded now and I’m in my jimjams.
CS: You know…
Me: I don’t want to hear it.
CS: YOU KNOW, you could always put on real pants.
Me: Bah! Fah! Gah! No real pants for me!
CS: Shameful. Wear that shame.
Me: I wear the nightpants with PRIDE. I couldn’t have more pride in my constant nightpants wearing if they were rainbow print and we were in a NIGHTPANTS PRIDE PARADE, buster. No shame for me.
CS: Pitiful. You’re pitiful. You know…
CS: Oh lord.
CS: What in god’s name are you GIGGLING about? You know what? I don’t want to know. You have been entirely too giddy lately. There’s no reason to be giddy this morning. You’re totally out of money and there’s all sorts of techno-fail all over the internet. Also, it’s freaking early as hell in the morning. Stop being giddy!
Me: I can’t. Too excited. Too excited for New Years.
CS: It was Halloween two days ago. Relax.
CS: All in good time. Zen. Om. Calm deep cleansing breaths.
CS: You’re hopeless.
Me: I need more coffee.
CS: Yes. Please. Have more coffee. That’s EXACTLY what you need right now. Maroon.
CS: I quit.