I’m here today to talk about Toby. Remember that wee little man who was so tiny and fragile and adorable and the sweetest little kitty ever to purr? My baby boy? Remember him?
Um, yeah. those days are long gone. Toby’s a right pain in the ass these days, and just like that freaking ginger crack baby Finn, Toby gone loony. He’s completely insane. But his latest “trick” is fixin’ to send me right round the bend. Allow me to demonstrate.
Me: *works on computer*
Toby *runs in circles in kitchen sink*
Me: *investigates noise*
Toby: *shrinks to pint-sized in sink*
Me: I can see you.
Toby: *scrunches in corner of sink*
Me: Seriously? You’re hiding? In the sink. Where I can see you.
Me: You’re not very stealthy. I CAN SEE YOU, A-HOLE.
Toby: Mow. Mow?
Me: You’d make a terrible ninja. Out of the sink.
Me: Out of the sink. Now.
Toby: *rolls onto back*
Me: I…can’t…resist… *turns on water*
Toby: *dripping wet* Mrow?!
Me: You made me do that, Soggy Bottom Boy.
Toby: *non-plussed* Mrow. *lays down in sink again*
Me: Would Monsieur like an hors d’oeuvre?
Toby: *sagely* Mrooooow. Mow mow mow.
Me: Dear goddy, I’ve been talking to a cat for ten minutes.
Me: I’ve got problems. Big ones.
Toby: Mow. *makes self comfy in sink*
Me: Biiiiiiiiig problems.