TV Time With Outpost31

Outpost31: Quick! “Fatal Attraction” on Animal Planet! Turn it on! Turn it ON.

Me: Okay, okay…Oh my god.

Outpost31: Is that buffalo…sharpening its horns?

Me: That’s one angry buffalo.

Outpost31: That’s one ineffective fence.

Me: That buffalo wants to run free!

Outpost31: That buffalo wants to gore someone.

Me: And here comes that someone!

Outpost31: Oh good. Some hillbilly caught himself a buffalo and now he’s…taunting it? What the hell are we watching?

Me: He’s trying to tame the buffalo. It’s his pet.

Outpost31: Nothing that weighs a TON can be a pet.

Me: You’ve never met Lulu.

Outpost31: Who is that with him? Child bride? Oh god, she’s in a feather headdress.

Me: Someone should call the authorities. Does he make her sleep in the tepee with the buffalo?

Outpost31: That buffalo is going to have its way with that guy.

Me: He’s throwing garbage cans at it! Stop, dude! Why are you tormenting the buffalo!

Outpost31: Commercials.

Me: I’m weeping laughing. The tears, they flow.

Outpost31: Oh Christ on the Cross, what is this I’m looking at?

Me: WORLD’S CUTEST CAT CONTEST.

Outpost31: Okay.

Me: SQUEE!

Outpost31: There are a lot of things I will do. I will watch Fatal Attraction with you. I will watch BRIDEZILLAS with you. But we are NOT watching The World’s Cutest Cat Contest. You can tackle that one on your own. I have standards. I have DIGNITY.

Me: The buffalo is back.

Outpost31: Oh, that’s a delightful scene. The dude is letting the buffalo into his HOUSE! It’s in his living room! What am I WATCHING?

Me: That buffalo is going to make a mess.

Outpost31: That child bride is going to have a lot of poo to clean up.

Me: Wait, what is that statistic?

Outpost31: 90% of buffalo trainers get horrifically gored to death. Oh, that’s nice. When do we get to the “Fatal” part of this attraction?

Me: It’s over.

Outpost31: I cry foul! There was NO fatality in that attraction! No one got gored! This show is a grave disappointment. I wanted to see FATALITY. This show is a sham. A sham!

Me: Oh, what’s this nonsense? “I Shouldn’t Be Alive”. Grand.

Outpost31: I hate fishing.

Me: WHAT?

Outpost31: Look at these stupid people on a boat. No boat! No fishing! I hate fishing.

Me: I’ll make a note of that.

Outpost31: Put it on a Post-It. No fishing.

Me: Duly noted. Can we flip back to Bridezillas now?

Outpost31: Sigh. Fine.

Me: YAY!


Comments

TV Time With Outpost31 — 4 Comments

  1. I completely give up!! I am laughing so damn hard that my tummy hurts and I really, really needed that! Here I am, again, reading Banshee’s stuff instead of doing the things that I am supposed to do.
    Although, if I ever get to the coast of the East, if you will have me over for TV Time with you and outpost31, I promise to bring the snacks and beverages of your choice PLUS treats for all of the resident kitties!
    Love from The Minx and Zoe the Resident Feline.

  2. I love that Fatal Attractions show. It is about 50/50 fatal as far as I can tell. Some of the nuts live, others are maimed and mutilated. I consider it a good mix.

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