Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill!

This post is not about pussycats. Or killing. Nay, this post is about FASTING. Cause that’s what I’m doing, by gum. I’m fasting. The MasterCleanse, to be specific. Two fun filled days of drinking cayenne/lemon/maple water and getting all the crap out of my system. WHY, you shriek in that horrified tone? WHY would I do this? What did my poor digestive tract ever do to me? Well I’ll be blunt. I have been eating like a drunken frat boy again. And that will never do. I’m having gastro issues (YAY OVERSHARING) and I’ve gained a bunch of weight. So my punk ass is kickstarting a new chapter in my life by cleansing with the Satan Water from Hades for two days, and then making a serious (vair vair serious) attempt to clean up my eating habits.

But Banshee, you howl. This is the festive holiday season! The time for gluttony and sloth! What in the world has possessed you to do such a bizarre thing NOW when everything about the next month or so will be about food?! Delicious, delicious food. You’re drinking Hell Water and we’re baking cookies! You have the worst timing in the history of all the lands. And you’re already halfway through this little venture, aren’t you falling down crumbling with the hunger? Aren’t you shaking from low blood sugar? Aren’t you TEARING OUT YOUR EYEBALLS FROM THE TORMENT?

Answer? Nope. I feel fine. The lemon/cayenne water isn’t actually as horrible as I thought it would be, I’m nice and hydrated, the maple syrup keeps my blood sugar in check, and I’m actually not hungry at all. Trust me, I’ve got enough flab to keep me going for two measly days. Yesterday I was a little cranky, but that I will chalk up to it being MONDAY and Mondays are LAME and everyone on the internet was CRANKY and if I keep it up with the caps lock I will have exactly NO readers left, so shhhh, crazy girl, Sheesh.

So yeah, I have until tomorrow to drink the Hades water and then I will slowly start eating again, (healthy things! GREEN things). and maybe I can kick-start my body into cooperating again, and perhaps lose a bit of weight which  would be grand.

But seriously, I’m fine. I thought my intestines would go kablooey and I’d be shaking and miserable, but I’m honestly fine. No biggie. Just flushing out the works and starting anew. My arteries were too stopped up with pudding anyway.

Mmm, pudding. NO! Constant vigilance!

I need more devil water…


Comments

Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill! — 3 Comments

  1. I turned 35 on Sunday & told Hubs that I’d really like to drop a certain amount of poundage by the end of Jan (and then some-but only so much by the end of Jan.) I want to do it in a healthy way b/c diabetes & heart probs are rampant on both sides of my fam. I’ve thought about a cleanse/fast, but I definitely couldn’t do the one you’re doing…I had my gall bladder out this summer & my system would freak right the EFF out at just the thought of cayenne. Hmm, must research other options.

  2. I love the title of this post. I’ve used it, too.

    Luck with the cleanse! I just had another turkey sammich. No discipline here.

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