I Call Shenanigans

Me: This doesn’t look like HD TV.

The World: Shut up, it is.

Me: Bah. Fah!

The World: Be quiet and appreciate the CLARITY. The SCOPE.

Me: *scowls* I don’t see it.

The World: You need new glasses.

Me: OH. Blame it on my glasses. That’s fine. You go right ahead and think that, if that makes you feel good to think that.

The World: DUDE. Your television is TWELVE YEARS OLD. This is the future! This is Hi-Def!

Me: This is crap.

The World: You? Suck. This is awesome. You just need new glasses.

Me: Crap teevee.

The World: CRAP GLASSES.

Me: CRAP TEEVEE.

The World: CRAP GLASSES, DAMMIT!

Me: There’s no need to shout.

The World: You were mean. What did that poor television ever do to you? Your father LOVES this television! How dare you be such a pain in the ass?!

Me: *squints* I don’t see it.

The World: *tears hair, rips garments*

Me: There’s no need to be dramatic.

The World: Don’t you SEE?!?!?!?!? The football!!!! It’s in HI DEF!!!!!

Me: *squints* Still looks like dumb old football to me.

The World: You need new glasses. And I need a Klonopin.

Me: They’re in the kitchen.

The World: I’M TAKING TWO.

Me: Feel free.

The World: You are exceedingly annoying.

Me: So I’ve been told.

The World: HI DEF!

Me: Yeah, I don’t see it.

The World: *FACEPALM*


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