Me: I HAVE NEEDS.
Outpost31: Please do tell.
Me: WANTS. NEEDS. I have them.
Outpost31: This is starting to sound sexy. What do you need?
Me: RED VINES AND DR. PEPPER.
Me: Right now! Red Vines and Dr. Pepper. When you bite the ends off the Red Vines and use it as a straw for the Dr. Pepper. Oh man, I need that shit RIGHT NOW. Why are there no sugar products in this house?!
Outpost31: You…wait. You bite the ends off the Red Vines…
Me: And use them as a straw! For the soda! NOW. I NEED IT NOW.
Outpost31: And then you fall into a diabetic coma and DIE. That sounds grand.
Me: WORTH IT.
Outpost31: You know I cannot condone this. We agreed. We would watch what we ate for the next two weeks so we’ll be ready and sexy for New Years. We agreed on this.
Me: And a steak. I want a steak.
Me: STEAK. Bloody. Still mooing.
Outpost31: See…why did you have to say that?
Me: Because I’m craving MEAT? RED MEAT. BRING IT.
Outpost31: You probably need iron. Have some spinach.
Me: STEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK! And Red Vines.
Outpost31: Dammit, now I want steak.
Me: ME TOO!
Outpost31: Damn you, woman!
Me: FINE. I will eat the lovely creamed spinach and MIRACULOUSLY, that will quench my need for STEAK. Through MAGIC.
Me: WHAT, IS THAT BAD NOW TOO?
Outpost31: No no. It’s just the grossest damn thing in the universe.
Me: *Flailing* INCORRECT! It is delicious. I will eat ALL the creamed spinach and you will get NONE.
Outpost31: That’s…fine. I’m fine with that.
Me: Now. How do I get my hands on some Red Vines and Dr. Pepper?
Outpost31: This diet was an awesome idea. Absolutely awesome. I’m so glad we’re doing this.