Diet, Day One: We’re Doing Vair Well

Me: I HAVE NEEDS.

Outpost31: Please do tell.

Me: WANTS. NEEDS. I have them.

Outpost31: This is starting to sound sexy. What do you need?

Me: RED VINES AND DR. PEPPER.

Outpost31: Oh.

Me: Right now! Red Vines and Dr. Pepper. When you bite the ends off the Red Vines and use it as a straw for the Dr. Pepper. Oh man, I need that shit RIGHT NOW. Why are there no sugar products in this house?!

Outpost31: You…wait. You bite the ends off the Red Vines…

Me: And use them as a straw! For the soda! NOW. I NEED IT NOW.

Outpost31: And then you fall into a diabetic coma and DIE. That sounds grand.

Me: WORTH IT.

Outpost31: You know I cannot condone this. We agreed. We would watch what we ate for the next two weeks so we’ll be ready and sexy for New Years. We agreed on this.

Me: And a steak. I want a steak.

Outpost31: …

Me: STEAK. Bloody. Still mooing.

Outpost31: See…why did you have to say that?

Me: Because I’m craving MEAT? RED MEAT. BRING IT.

Outpost31: You probably need iron. Have some spinach.

Me: STEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK! And Red Vines.

Outpost31: Dammit, now I want steak.

Me: ME TOO!

Outpost31: Damn you, woman!

Me: FINE. I will eat the lovely creamed spinach and MIRACULOUSLY, that will quench my need for STEAK. Through MAGIC.

Outpost31: Creamed…spinach.

Me: WHAT, IS THAT BAD NOW TOO?

Outpost31: No no. It’s just the grossest damn thing in the universe.

Me: *Flailing* INCORRECT! It is delicious. I will eat ALL the creamed spinach and you will get NONE.

Outpost31: That’s…fine. I’m fine with that.

Me: Now. How do I get my hands on some Red Vines and Dr. Pepper?

Outpost31: This diet was an awesome idea. Absolutely awesome. I’m so glad we’re doing this.

Me: SUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!

Outpost31: *facepalm*


Comments

Diet, Day One: We’re Doing Vair Well — 5 Comments

  1. you are correct. Creamed spinach is delicious. BUT it is not very good for you, that is why it is delicious.

    now I totally want red vines

  2. you’ll be glad to know I want neither red vines or Dr. Pepper, nor yet *yark* creamed spinach. Steak always sounds good, though…

  3. Mmmm, Red Vines & Dr Pepper! I do have the Dr Pepper part down, but no candy. And the other night I rinsed a whole bag full of spinach & cooked it for 3 minuted in the microwave then let it steam for another 5. S&P and a dab of marg & oh my, that is Sssoooo good AND healthy! Try it. (If you don’t like it you can dump some beschamel on it)
    And hey, flying across the country to spend NYE w/ your new dude is sexy enough. Don’t knock yourselves out. (Or you’ll spend the whole trip gorging on rare steak & creamy potatoes & pies & champagne w/ strawberries & –Oh my. I need to go for a walk!)

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