Outpost31: *Wakes up, removes earplugs*
Me: *raises eyebrow*
Outpost31: Good morning, baby
Me: What’s with the earplugs? The construction outside hasn’t even started yet.
Outpost31: Now don’t get me wrong…
Outpost31: But…you know I love you, right?
Me: Yes, I know that, I love you too. What’s with the earplugs?
Outpost31: You…Baby…You snore.
Me: No I don’t.
Outpost31: Yes. Yes you do.
Me: NO I DON’T.
Outpost31: Baby, you snore like an outboard motor. I don’t know why, but…you do.
Me: Why do you sit on a throne of lies?
Outpost31: I DON’T sit on a throne of lies, YOU snore.
Me: No I don’t, I’m a lady.
Outpost31: A lady who snores.
Me: I DO NOT SNORE.
Outpost31: And you drool. You’re kind of a mess when you sleep.
Me: LIES! KING OF LIES!
Outpost31: And you completely hog the bed and I can’t move you because you sleep like the DEAD.
Me: Why do you hate me so?
Outpost31: I love you. You snoring, drooling, bed hogging freak.
Me: I am a lady. None of this is true. I don’t know why you are so cruel.
Outpost31: Well I don’t know why you sleep like a St. Bernard dog.
Me: *flounces away indignantly, scowl firmly in place*
Outpost31: *calling after me* THERE”S A DROOL MARK ON MY PILLOW.
Me: I CANNOT HEAR YOU. I AM A LADY.