So I’ve been outed on Twitter. The rumors are true, hard to believe but reality. I, yours truly, your tiny little monkey pal Miss Banshee…Used to teach Gymboree.
The World: What?!
Me: It’s true. I taught Gymboree in Pennsylvania approximately ten years ago.
The World: Wait. Gymboree? As in the place where all the little kids go and run around on soft objects and the mothers hang out and gossip? THAT Gymboree?
The World: No way. You? The foulmouthed, ill-tempered snarkwad with the cats? YOU taught small children and sang the songs and wore the khakis?
Me: Yes. I did.
The World: *falls down laughing*
Me: Shut up. Yes, I sang the songs and played with the kids and gossiped with the parents and babysat for my favorite kids, and had drinks with their parents and totally was part of their posse for about 6 months. I. Taught. Gymboree. And I wore the khakis.
The World: Stop! Stop! WE CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.
Me: No, it’s a story that needs to be told. I did Bubble Time, and Parachute Time, and rolled around and even changed a diaper or two in a pinch. I loved my job. I loved those kids. I remember those kids VIVIDLY. And I don’t want to think of how old they are now, because that means *I* am vair, vair old and need to go to an old person’s home.
The World: We must know HOW did a person like YOU become a Gymboree teacher? Was the recruiter blind and deaf?
Me: It’s actually an interesting story. A punk girl I knew worked at Zany Brainy, which was a toy store in PA when I moved there with my ex around 10 years ago. Maybe 9. I was promised there would be no math. Anyway, there was this grand girl who we’ll call Spike and she worked at Zany Brainy and got me a job there too. (we didn’t have to wear khakis) and I eventually got to know the girl who ran Gymboree out of an extension of Zany Brainy. Money was tight, and the ex wasn’t exactly bringing in the dough either, so I asked the girl who ran Gymboree, whom we will call Zima, if there were any job openings at Gymboree. This was back before the recession when people could actually get jobs, if you recall, there WAS such a time. As luck would have it, she was being transferred to another Gymboree and YES, she WAS looking for someone to replace her! So I took the teaching gig as a second job. This is before I lost my damn mind and COULD work, of course. I love kids, and I kinda loved Zany Brainy because if you’re going to work retail, why not have it be a toy store, right? So there you go. That’s how I got the job.
The World: People. Entrusted their children. With you.
Me: Entirely. I was like a mama bear with those kids. I loved those kids FIERCELY. Someday I’ll tell you about when I worked in a daycare. I still have DREAMS about THOSE babies.
The World: You and kids. Huh. That shouldn’t add up, yanno. You don’t exactly…
Me: …fit the khakis? Yeah, I know. What can I say? I love kids.
The World: Well you learn something new every day. But there’s one thing we must ask.
The World: The clown. The cloooooooooooooooooooown.
Me: Gymboree’s mascot is, in fact, a clown. I disliked the clown INTENSELY, but I hated the khakis more.
The World: Now THAT we believe.