Bedlam

So I up and vanished, right? And y’all were all “hello?” and I didn’t respond, and I wasn’t on Twitter and I wasn’t on MamaPop and some of you said “Where in the name of pants did that girl get to?” and I STILL didn’t respond. I was gone in a flash. Poof. Gone. But now! Now I am back! And I am here to tell you the entire story, gruesome as it was. This might take a couple of posts, but let’s see how much I can cover right now.

I’ve been in the bin. The psych ward. Lockup. For a week. I just got out last night and holy shit, internet, YOU are looking GORGEOUS today, have I mentioned how much I missed you? I missed you so much. No internet, no phones, no nothing. Total lockdown. We weren’t even allowed on the grounds of the hospital. That’s right, I’ve been under complete lock and key since last Thursday. I never said I wasn’t dramatic.

There’s a whole backstory, but I owe some people face to face time to tell it, so we’ll skip the reasons I ended up in the ER on Thursday and got locked up. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Not pretty at all. So fast forward! To the bin itself. Which was chock full of lovely people (remember, I make friends wherever I go) and we all huddled around the one television (I held the remote, elected President of the Television by…me) and watched the Oscars, and Idol, and Charlie Sheen lose his damn mind, and we all exclaimed with righteous outrage that it was a cruel universe that WE were in lockdown and HE was on television. A good time was had by all laughing about this dude, who is WAY crazier than any of US were.

I met wonderful people, you guys. People I’ll never forget. And a couple I won’t HAVE to forget, because the next stage of my therapy is intensive outpatient therapy which means I’ll be spending my mornings at group therapy for the foreseeable future, and so will Zombie Girl (names protected, natch) who I got very close to and got sprung yesterday too. We live 15 minutes from each other and are already planning to go to the movies together asap. When Hackey Sack gets out of the ‘hab, he will join us in outpatient therapy, and we will rejoice, for the three of us were quite naughty indeed, and became great friends.

But most of these people I will probably never see again (I don’t plan on EVER visiting the bin again) but they’ll stay in my heart. We were all just normal people who had a disease that can’t be seen, dudes. That’s all. We needed to have that disease stabilized, and then we were let out. It was really for the best that I was there, but oh my lordo am I happy to be home.

So yeah. I’m better. I have my meds straightened out and I’m feeling alive and good and way better than I have since before Christmas. It’s grand being out of lockup, and breathing real air, and going outside (and y’all know I’m not a big fan of going outside) but man oh man do I appreciate it now and I drove the CAR this morning to get cigarettes (no ciggies in the bin) and I opened all the windows and yelled along with the radio and even Rachael Ray isn’t annoying me at this very second on the teevee because there aren’t 15 people per television and no one is making me do macaroni art.

I love all of you and I’m so sorry if I worried any of you with my vanishing act. It was a pretty gruesome process but it had to happen for me to get the help and the support system that I so obviously need right now. I have loads of other stuff to tell, but I’ll leave it at this for now. I’m here, I’m safe, I’m home, I’m alive. And that, as Martha Stewart would say, is a very good thing.


Comments

Bedlam — 33 Comments

  1. Now can breathe! For days I kept looking for your blogs and tweets, but couldn’t figure it out. I am so happy that you are home, safe and sound. You were most definitely missed! Welcome back.

  2. So glad you’re back and feeling better! I missed you and yes, indeed, I was worried.

    On a purely selfish note, I am also very happy you are back in time to guide us through the finale of The Bachelor. It’s just so painful without you.

    Hugs!

  3. Yes, we did think it odd that Charlie was ranting on the tv about his tiger blood and such and you weren’t here to give us a commentary.

    Your little squirrels are anxious to make sure that you and kitties are fine and will share with us what you can.

  4. You must be feeling FANTASTIC if not even Rachael Ray is annoying you! (Yet.) I’m very glad you were able to get the help that you need. Moreso I am seriously glad you are here on this little green planet. Welcome home, Miss Banshee. Welcome home.

  5. So, SO glad you are feeling better, and that you are sprung from the bin (which is not a terribly nice place to be, but sometimes very useful). Big interwebby hugs to you and the kitties!

  6. So glad to hear you are back home. My mom makes visits to the bin, now and again, and coming home is ALWAYS good. Feel better and take care of yourself!

  7. I suspected that might be what happened, and I am SO VERY GLAD to see your bright pixels back on my computer screen. I missed you!!!, especially on Gloomy Depressing Tuesday when your Douchelor update wasn’t there to brighten my day.

    {{{{{{{You}}}}}}}
    Julia last post: On not dorking it up

  8. I’m so, so glad you’re alive and stuff! 🙂 I was keeping my fingers crossed that you’d had massive internet failure, or something, but I guess the bin is better than a lot of alternatives.

    But I’m glad you’re out, and able to breathe the air of freedom. 😀

    It’s good to have you back!

  9. Hooray, Miss Banshee is back!! So so glad you’re back and feeling better! I’ve missed you so! I’ve been anxiously stalking your blog and MamaPop, wondering what happened to you. I’m sure your kitties missed you too and are glad to have you back.

  10. So very glad you’re home & feeling better! I’m sure there will be much cat ASS in your face, provided they aren’t currently snubbing you-as mine tend to do when I’m away for more than a day.

  11. So glad you are all right! I was very concerned and was hoping it was just an internet failure that kept you away. I am so glad that your meds are regulated and that you have a solid support system in place. 🙂 *hugs*

  12. I’m very glad that you are well and back home and that your visit to the bin wasn’t too traumatic for you. Take care of yourself!

    Oh, and I’ve returned your fainting couch.:-s

    Hats

  13. Glad you are home safe and whatever happened has led you to what sounds like some good ongoing treatment. As always, thanks for being so brave in talking about your situation frankly and publicly.

  14. Bless you for making friends wherever you go, and Zombie Girl and Hacky-Sack for being wise enough to make plans to hang with you, something any of your squirrels, including the ones who are cats, would gladly also do.

    I am SO GLAD you got what you needed when you needed it, and I am glad you are back, because WE need YOU. {{{hugs}}}

  15. {{{{{{{{{{{SnugglePounce}}}}}}}}}}}}
    I’m so glad you’ve come back to us MissB! We really missed you! I’m glad you made friends in the bin, By their pseudonyms they sound like fun people. Hope that all works out.

    I’ve been wondering if I need a trip inside myself, but you’ve put me off the idea. LOL Instead of macaroni art, you & Laroux have encouraged me to pick up some yarn & try crochet (I know you guys KNIT but using both hands can confuse me, so …) My scarf is coming along nicely, if a bit curved. Just in time for Spring.

    Hope doom has fled & sunshine & fresh air keep you going forward. Much love to you my web friend!

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