One Day More

Friday is my last day at Daycare for the Deranged, or “intensive outpatient therapy” as some people call it, and I cannot freaking wait, and I will tell you why. It marks the end of the Going To The Bin Saga, and I am more than ready to have it be over. It’ll be six weeks since I went to the bin, and holy shit, it seems like it’s been years and years since this whole nightmare began. But Friday is Β the last day of my aftercare plan (I don’t go on Thursdays, I CAN count, if you’re confused) and that means I can finally go back to my regular therapist, and I’m getting a new meds doctor in May, and everything seems like it’s going to be fresh and new and my holy pants, I am more than ready for a fresh start.

So much has changed in six weeks. I’ve made new friends, I’ve lived through a horrible breakup that still hurts like hell every day, I’ve learned that I can survive things I didn’t ever think I could, I’ve learned a lot about myself, I’ve grown more than a few gray hairs (not that you can see it through the dye, but I can FEEL them growing) and I’ve paid a serious price for some serious mistakes.

I’ve also learned that sometimes life ISN’T fair, and ISN’T just and ISN’T logical and I have to work through those times just like everyone else, and people will come and go from my life, and they all serve a purpose and teach a lesson and I have to keep my eyes open and be receptive to change, because there is rhyme and reason in the universe even when it feels like there isn’t anything even APPROACHING rhyme and reason, and that the cliche is true sometimes: Things really do happen for a reason. I’ll be damned if I can figure out what that reason IS sometimes, but I’m sure there’s one hidden in the bullshit and the pain somewhere.

I’m not trying to get all zen and “oh I am so full of wisdom now” and shit – I’m still an absolute mess and I always will be, but the last six weeks have been one of the absolute worst times of my life, and even during those nightmarish six weeks, I made a wonderful friend, and learned a lot about myself. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it had a silver lining, I’m not a freaking Disney character, but I never would have met Zombie Girl if I didn’t go to the bin, and I wouldn’t have the perspective of being locked up and then let out again, and there really isn’t any way of describing that – you really have to go through it (I hope none of you ever have to find out what it feels like) but if you’ve ever been behind a locked door without a key…you see the world differently after that. And I’ll carry that with me forever.

So I have one more day of sitting through group therapy, and I’ll take what I learned with me forever, and I can honestly say I’m a different person than I was six weeks ago, and it wasn’t ALL bad, and it was definitely a hell of a learning experience, one that I hopefully will NEVER have to live through again. And that’s that.

New chapter. New verse. I’m ready. Thanks so much for all the support and love y’all have given me through it all. I love every single one of you, yes I do. I’ll never forget that you didn’t abandon me in my time of need. You are all in my heart.

Okay, enough. Back to bringing the funny, right? I’m more than ready for THAT.

xoxo,

Danielle

 


Comments

One Day More — 30 Comments

  1. You are sooo much stronger than you give yourself credit for– move forward, don’t look back and please please, no regrets!

  2. When I saw the title of this I immediately had the song from Les Miserables pop in my head.

    I felt the same way when I got out, then I wanted to go back in cause life was easier there, I wasn’t locked in I could roam around the grounds also didn’t have to worry about bills ect…

    You ARE a stronge person, you ARE a beautiful person inside and out and you DO have some crazy felines!!! 8-D

  3. An alternative to “everything happens for a reason” that I have heard is “everything happens as it should”. I go back and forth as to which I like or dislike or feel like.

    Now I have to go figure out who is parking a new Porsche in front of my house.

  4. I once had a woman tell me, after a tragedy in her life, that we should “re-pot” ourselves every ten years or so. A new dawn to help you blossom some exotic flowers. And maybe some simple daisies in there too. Love you.=-)

  5. I didn’t want to continue to stalk your blog, and you on twitter…and, and, you likely didn’t even notice, but I digress – I need to say SOMETHING. I found you via mamapop, where I would read your Bachelor recaps and literally laugh out loud for reals, then the week you didn’t post one, I went looking for what happened to you and thus ended up here. I feel I started to read you at a little bit of a strange space in time – but I am rooting for you, all the way. That’s all…I I feel I can’t properly articulate anything more than that. πŸ™‚

    • Yeah, what she said. Nothing new on your Twitter or Tumblr in a few days…not that I’m stalking you or anything. πŸ˜‰

  6. Danielle, you don’t have to bring back the funny if that’s not what you’re feeling. We just want YOU back. Post whatever you feel, no one would want you to do otherwise. And if you don’t feel up to it, just know that we understand and will be waiting patiently, here for you as soon as you’re back.

  7. Ok I’ll be the first to admit it. I stalked around Twitter until I found a tweet through a friend of a friend on Miss Banshee’s page and saw a couple tweets where different people said that she is going through some personal stuff but that she is ok. I was worried and I knew other people on here would be too so I wanted to share what I found. GET BETTER MISS BANSHEE!!!!! *HUGS*

    • Thanks for your stalking, heatherm47. I kept peeking around Twitter/MamaPop, too.

      Take your time, Miss Banshee. I’m just glad to hear you’re okay!

  8. I also stalked around and saw similar things.

    Miss B, I hope you come back soon. Folks on Twitter and here on the blog are worried.

    Be well.

    J

  9. Please come back. I need you. I’m going through a rough time. I’m rereading your old stuff. I need to read you now. Please.

  10. Someone told me once that it helps to read those books that have a good thought for each day. It doesn’t. It just sort of makes you mad that there are people in the world who actually read those things and think they are sane.

  11. For those of you not on FB, Miss Banshee posted this earlier today:

    “Hey guys. I’ve been in the looney bin AGAIN for the last two days. I can’t begin to express my gratitude y’all have given me. I had no internet, no phone, no iPod, NOTHING but one TV for 16 questionably sane (but wonderful) people. Everything will be explained as soon as I get some real sleep in my own bed. Love y’all.”

    She also posted a correction to this that it was two WEEKS, not days.

    I’m sending happy thoughts your way, Miss B!

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