this is for you, Val.
HELLO HUMAN BEANS! It’s ME, STEWIE, speaking to you from the great beyond. I’ve got to say, it’s pretty awesome here. I get to chase birdies and there’s kibble galore. I might not be on earth anymore, but where I am now is rad. I miss my mama and my sister, but I’m doing just dandy here in kitty heaven. BUT OMG, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. I have a new friend. His name is Oliver and can you believe it? He’s a DOG. I know what you’re thinking. Kitties (LIKE MEEEEEEEE) and doggies do not get along. But Oliver is so super cool. I follow him around all the time. Sometimes he’s all “Stewart, please stop following me and trying to hug me. I have the dignities, you know.” But I don’t pay attention to that. He’s my new best friend. He’s having a hard time right now, cause he really really misses his mama and dad, and he’s a newbie, so I have taken it upon my awesome self to show him the ropes. I showed him how there are endless chewy toys and you can run around all you want without any hooman telling you to calm down, for the love of dog. So don’t worry about your Stewie and my new bestie Oliver. We’re doing just fine. Gotta go now, Ollie is taking a nap and I need to snuggle him. Bye, hooman beans! And please tell my mama that looking at my picture and crying doesn’t do anything but make her sad. Stewie is doing just GRAND up here. Also Lulu really needs a diet. We see these things up here. I won’t even get into the whole thing where she adopted two insane little boy cats. She got what she deserved.
Big kisses and nuzzles from ME STEWIE and my new best friend Oliver. Bye, beans!!!!!