Um…Hi, internet peoples. Toby here. I’m sneaking onto Mama’s computer while she’s napping so I can tell you something. You may have heard around the web that I did something very, very, VERY bad yesterday. Well I am here to say I am an innocent cat! Just look at my face. Aren’t I ADORABLE? I know, I know. Someone this cute could never do something BAD, right? I mean, Finn’s the resident Bad Cat. I was the one who was teeny tiny and itty bitty as a kitten. I mean, LOOK at me!
I’m so precious I can’t stand it. But I’m in BIG TROUBLE, internet people. Oh man, am I ever in trouble. Mama won’t even look at me right now without growling. Let me tell you what happened.
Yesterday morning, around 7 AM, I woke up and I was HUNGRY. And when a cat is hungry, everyone in the house needs to be awake and make with the snacks, am I right? Of course I am. So I woke up Mama by walking over her face baaaack and forth and baaaaaack and forth, and then Finn got into that action and Lulu was yelling, and finally, FINALLY, right when I was about to DIE from STARVATION, Mama got up.
I was so excited! Yay for breakfast! So as Mama was walking into the living room and putting her glasses on, I did a little Happy Breakfast Dance right in front of her. Do you see where this is going?
She tripped and fell over me. BOOM. And she landed right on her face. Guys, it was BAD. She was yelling and cursing and jeez, I didn’t MEAN to trip her, I was just happy about breakfast! And the most important thing is that she got up and fed me. I mean, a cat has priorities. At first, she said “Ow, my freaking face” and continued doing human things that I don’t really care about. She informed me rather rudely that it was a good thing she didn’t break her glasses when she fell, or she’d put me in the oven. Rude! Anyway, I ate my breakfast and went off to take a nap, like any good self-respecting cat. That’s when she walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
People of the internet, I won’t repeat the extremely bad language she used. I worry about your delicate ears. Let’s just say the FCC would have yanked her right out of network television for the words she yelled as she stared at herself in the mirror.
I’m telling you, I didn’t MEAN to do it. And I certainly don’t appreciate her yelling that she’s going to sell me to a very mean family and use the money for a skin graft. See? Rude. Anyway, it’s not SO bad. Humans are so touchy.
God, she’s SO overdramatic. Anyway, send help. Quickly. I don’t want to go in the oven if that thing scars.