How To Ride Out A Hurricane: A Picture Essay

Let’s say a big, monster, wicked storm is coming. You need to prepare, the Banshee way!

Looks fine outside to me! Hey, what’s the cat carrier doing out?

Stuff the cats in carriers. Toss ’em in the car and flee to your parents’ house. Barricade them in your childhood bedroom. They will love this, don’t worry.

DIS IS NOT DISNEYWORLD!!!!

After the cats are settled and shredding the curtains, it’s time to pack a bag for yourself.

Those sheets are at least 30 years old. Don’t tell my mom I told you that.

In your (vair stylish) bag, you will need some essentials.

only 1040 pages of pure terror?  Child’s play.

Of course, this will never do. You’ll be without power for DAYS. Get another book. Something longer and more terrifying.

1340 pages? Eh, it’ll last a couple of days. 

Now you need sustenance. Start with a healthy breakfast.

shown actual size. Yes, they’re all mine.

Then something to tide you over through the long, dark days. Something healthy. Something with vitamins.

delicious AND nutritious! 

Wait! Check on the cats! Have they destroyed your childhood sanctuary? Are they yowling at the door, tormenting your parents’ dog and flinging themselves around the room? Is Finn on top of the bookcase, mere inches from the ceiling? Excellent.

I could not possibly care less. As per usual.

OMIGOD, DID YOU BRING YOUR WOOBIE???

Never leave home without it!

Congratulations! Settle in and chin up. You’ll only be without power for 4 or 7 or 10 days. Delightful!

NOTE: Hurricane Sandy was a nightmare for thousands of people. My family was lucky. Incredibly lucky. Countless others were not. Please consider donating to the Red Cross. People are in dire need of help. Thanks.


Comments

How To Ride Out A Hurricane: A Picture Essay — 3 Comments

  1. Kitties and woobies and ciggies, oh my! Add a double dose of King and multiple meds and…wow. I am SO wondering of the Raspberry Ketones are the wonder diet pill I’ve been searching for my entire life.

    So very glad your family was spared the worst of it. I know how un-fun hurricanes can be.

  2. Thank bejeebuz you’re back (and safe, obvs). The world hasn’t been quite the (snarky) same since you left. Keep writing sister!

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