Hungry Hungry Banshee

Stomach: Psst.

Me: Shh. You’re full.

Stomach: PSST.

Me: Quiet. I just fed you.

Stomach: Curry, please.

Me: What? We just ate lunch!

Stomach: Curry.

Me: We’re not even hungry!

Stomach: Pad Thai, please.

Me: What the hell is this all about? We’re full. No curry for you.

Stomach: Curry?

Me: We can’t eat curry here. Mom hates the smell.

Stomach: Pad Thai, please.

Me: We just HAD Pad Thai. We’re full to the gills with Pad Thai.

Stomach: More, please.

Me: You’re not making any sense. We had Pad Thai an HOUR ago. We’re not hungry. What’s with the cravings?

Stomach: Go to a Thai restaurant. Order the whole menu.

Me: You’re very weird today. What’s the deal, dude?

Stomach: Don’t ask me, ask the Uterus.

Me: Ask the – Ohhhhh. Is it that time again? Hello? You there?

Uterus: WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO ME?

Me: I’m just…I just…We’re not even hungry!

Uterus: WHY DO YOU HATE ME???

Me: Oh jeez. Look. Honey. I don’t hate you. I’m just trying to be rational –

Uterus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Me: Great. Honey? Sweetie? Come on, stop crying. No need to cry.

Uterus: YOU WON’T GIVE ME WHAT I NEED.

Me: You’re just over-emotional right now. It’s okay. Come on, what’s going to make you feel better?

Uterus. *sniffle*

Me: You can tell me, come on. What can I do to help?

Uterus: *mumbles*

Me: What was that? Speak up, sweets. Can’t hear you.

Uterus: Curl up in bed and eat a big bag of chocolate.

Me: Now that’s just not going to happen –

Uterus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

Stomach: Chocolate? Chocolate! With almonds!!!

Me: Everyone SIMMER DOWN. We’re not going to eat. We’re full from lunch. No curry, no Pad Thai, no chocolate. This is the hormones. Just those pesky hormones. Just. Calm. Down.

Uterus: PUT A BABY IN ME.

Me: Whoa! Whoooooooooooa! Where did THAT come from?

Uterus: I’m OLD. I’m EMPTY. I’ve FAILED as a BABYMAKER.

Me: This is getting completely out of control.

Stomach: I’m fat and not at all sexy. We’re never going to date ever again.

Uterus: I WANT A BABY.

Me: I’m going insane. I’ve finally gone through the looking glass. I’m absolutely fried banana chips crazy. Lock my ass up, this is how it’s all going to end.

Stomach: WAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Uterus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Me: I’m going to hit myself in the head with a brick until I lose consciousness.

Uterus: BABY!

Stomach: CURRY!

Me: HELP!!!!!!!

 

 


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