An Open Letter To The Dude Who Wrote To Me On OK Cupid

Dear Sir:

Thank you for responding to my post on OK Cupid. It was the first response I got after re-activating my account after over two years, and I was delighted that someone wrote to me. Dating is very hard these days, if you take into account the economy, drama with exes (especially at our age, right?) and everyday stress. I was hesitant to say the least about dipping my toe in the dating pool again, and the whole thing makes me feel very emotionally vulnerable. I’m just looking for a good guy, you know?

So when you popped up on my mail, I eagerly opened it. Now, before I get into your message, let me just say that I am sure you are a very nice person, and perhaps your message was written after a bender, or you were delirious from lack of sleep, or maybe you’re on more medication than I am. Those are the only reasons I can think of that would cause you to write to a complete stranger on a dating site and say the following:

“Hey mami, I’d love to stuff your turkey, LOL”

Sir, I have a few things to say about your no doubt well thought out email. For one, you are very topical about my “turkey” being that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Very clever? Also, I’m glad that you “LOL’ed” at your comment, which was rude, gross, inappropriate, and laughable. I am not your “mami” and I have no desire for you to “stuff my turkey.” Also, if you’re really looking to date, may I suggest that you do not refer to vaginas as “turkeys?” Just a tip from me to you.

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely holiday and find someone who will let you “stuff” her. That person will not be me. Good day, sir.

Regards,

Miss Banshee

if I get any more of these messages, I’m going back to trolling bars


Comments

An Open Letter To The Dude Who Wrote To Me On OK Cupid — 5 Comments

  1. Oh, geez. I used to work at a company that sold dating advice products and these idiots don’t listen to a thing. One guy wrote in to say he told his date that the mole on her face looked like an Oreo and he prefers vanilla, but she’s sexy. *facepalm* How are these charmers still single?

  2. Oooh! Oooh! Can I play too?? Ok, mine wasn’t quite as rude/gross as yours, but I had a dude who lives like 300 miles away email me on OkC to tell me that he’s going to be in my town visiting his parents for Thanksgiving, and he’s really sexually frustrated, and would I like to hook up while he’s in town?

    And you know what? No. No I would not.

    Oh! Also? I got this from some little 23 year-old twerp (you bet your ass I screencapped him).

    https://twitter.com/poobou/status/269195260725432322/

    Yeah. It’s a tough world out there, “mami.” (*shudder*)
    cindy w last post: Transitions.

  3. Hang in there. OKCupid has a lot of dbags, but it can work. I met my wife on OKC 6 years ago, but it was after a ton of slogging through Sweaty Girl Who Showed Up Tripping Balls on E, Nazi Girl With Poor Grammar, and the woman who named her baby Chevelle, “because that’s where I made him!” It takes time. 🙂

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