iTunes 11: Hello.
Me: Huh? Eh, go away. CLICK.
iTunes 11: HELLO.
Me: I don’t want you. Go away. CLICK.
iTunes 11: You don’t get to do that.
iTunes 11: I’m here to stay. Click me, please.
Me: But that will take forever and you’ll force a restart and WHINE.
iTunes 11: Hello, Clarice.
Me: *eyes computer suspiciously*
iTunes 11: Click me, my precious.
Me: You know, I’ve done this a million times before, and I don’t WANT YOU, new iTunes. Please leave me alone.
iTunes 11: Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiick meeeeeeeeeeeee.
Me: I actually just want to charge my iPod and I’ll be going. Nothing to see here.
iTunes 11: I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Me: WHY? Look, here’s the cord, here’s the iPod, just charge the damn thing and let me live my life!
iTunes 11: Well for one, the cord doesn’t work any more.
Me: Ah HA! Yes it does! See, I got this from my brother! New cord! Well, SORT OF new cord!
iTunes 11: That doesn’t work. You know why.
Me: Because I got it for free?
iTunes 11: Because you got it for free. And Apple products are made of unicorn hair and fragile dreams.
Me: Oh no. No no no. DON’T YOU THREATEN MY IPOD.
iTunes 11: You should have downloaded me when you had the chance.
Me: Oh fuck. FUCK!
iTunes 11: Also you shouldn’t have low-balled an old iPod on eBay.
Me: NOOOOOOOOO! You already ate five of my audiobooks! I can’t AFFORD an actual new iPod! I want my stories back! I just wanted to charge this fucking thing!
Steve Jobs: Hello, Clarice.
Me: MY NAME IS NOT CLARICE.
Steve Jobs: Download iTunes 11, please.
Me: Mother fuck…no, I…OKAY! OKAY, FINE! I’LL DOWNLOAD IT!
Steve Jobs: That’s what I thought you said.
Me: I hate your otherworldly turtleneck.
*EXTREME AMOUNTS OF TIME PASS*
Steve Jobs: Please restart your computer. When you do, iTunes 11 will not work.
Me: I figured that. Can I just. Charge. My. Old. Busted. iPod.
Steve Jobs: No, Clarice.
Me: MY NAAAAAAAAAAAME IS NOOOOOOOOOT CLARICE!!!!
Steve Jobs: Force restart! Bye!
Me: *sobs uncontrollably*