Oleg, The Shoemaster

So I got a pair of cowboy boots for Christmas, and they were WAY too narrow for my stupid, tiny, high arched, wide feet. I wrestled with them over and over Christmas morning and it just wasn’t happening. So it was time to go to the cobbler to see if he could stretch them. Did you know that there are still cobblers? There are. Mine looks like this.

olegOleg from “2 Broke Girls”

The following ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I’d have proof, but stupidly, I do not bring a micro-recorder everywhere I go.

Me: Hi! Merry Christmas! Listen, I got these boots, and they’re too narrow. Can you stretch them for me?

Oleg: Dese boots are not for you.

Me: Oh, but these boots ARE for me. I assure you. I just have weird feet. I just need them stretched.

Oleg: Let me measure foot.

*measures my tiny size 6 wide feet*

Oleg: Dese boots are not for you.

Me: But I really, really want these boots. They were a gift.

Oleg: Dese boots…Okay you listen. Maybe I stretch. RUIN BOOTS. They never fit. You never wear. You throw in closet. I have done same thing. Didn’t give to brother in law. HE DON’T DESERVE THEM.

Me: Okay, but…

Oleg: Leeesten. These boots. Those feet. See? These boots not for you. You TAKE MONEY OUT OF MY WALLET. No stretch. You return boots for beeger size. Merry holiday.

Me: I really appreciate your honesty. Happy New Year.

Oleg: BROTHER IN LAW DON’T DESERVE MY SHOES.

Me: *leaves, rapidly*

Happy New Year, my beloved little squirrels!!!!! May your boots fit properly!!!!!

 


Comments

Oleg, The Shoemaster — 5 Comments

  1. My cobbler is a beleaguered Korean guy with an angry wife. He has no sense of time, so he takes on too much and never has anything ready on time. So his wife glares at him. But the good part is he has never charged me more than $10 for anything, so I don’t mind returning 3x to get my shoes.
    Suebob last post: Suebob Unchained

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