The ever-awesome Jezebel popped onto my FB feed this morning with a riotously scathing short piece on some douchebag from a no doubt scintillating website called MyBonerIsCrying dot com (I’ll be damned if I’ll link to that shithead) regarding the divine Jennifer Lawrence and her adorable new pixie hair cut. This douchecanoe whined and bitched and fat-shamed and said that he would never, ever have sex with JLaw EVER YOU GUYS because she has cut off her hair. The Jezzie writer nearly broke herself laughing over the preposterous claim, and I did too. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on a little rant.
I’ve worn my hair super short for about 15 years. I love it. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love it because it’s easy, it’s sassy, and I think I look pretty kick ass in it. I’ve never, ever had a guy say anything negative about my hair other than the puppy-dog eyed “why’d you cut your haaaaaair?” to which I reply “because I felt like it, dude, why’d you cut YOUR hair?” They usually don’t have a response to that, and if they argue that long hair on guys is not masculine, or out of style, or “gay” (Goddo help me if you say that) I just roll my eyes and walk on by, because please.
The myth that a woman cannot be sexy with short hair is just that. A myth. A woman can be sexy with ANY hairstyle. A woman can be sexy with a shaved head. I’ve done it myself, and I thought I looked rather awesome. A woman can be sexy with scars, and stretchmarks, and hairy pits, and a belly and thighs that aren’t concave, and ANY WAY THAT THEY LOOK.
Honey Boo Boo’s mother describes herself as sexy. Guess what? Her husband agrees. You go, Mama June!
Being sexy isn’t about your hair, or your makeup (your red lipstick might be a mohawk and engineer boots, and frankly, I think that’s smokin’ hot.) Being sexy is a state of mind. Do you think Jennifer Lawrence gives one single solitary fuck what some whiny little jerk on the internet thinks of her haircut? Jennifer Lawrence, who has stated she would never starve herself for a movie role and wants to punch people who tell her to diet? JLaw has NO time for you, little boy, and she certainly isn’t losing sleep over the fact that you SUPPOSEDLY wouldn’t sleep with her, which is bullshit of the first order. You’d sleep with her in half a heartbeat if she had a head tattoo of Donald Trump, so stop lying, you pathetic thing.
Sexy comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, sexual orientations, and creeds. Sexy is in the way you look at yourself in the mirror, and how you carry yourself in front of others. And you know what’s NOT sexy? Having a website about “boner killers” and whining to the internet about a celebrity not being part of your spank bank any more.