Fall Down. Go Boom. Get Job.

Hey, remember when I was all “wah, I’m never going to get a job, everything sucks, waaaaaaaaah!!!”? Well…

I got a job.

Details to follow, but I will be writing. For money. A real writing job. I am over the freaking moon. Every once and a while I think of it and I go like this.

It's a good scream, really.

  It’s a good scream, really.

Other than the jobby job, the other interesting thing that happened this week was that I was weaseled into going to the ER because I fell down (surprise) and hurt myself (wicked surprise) and hurt my foot. NOW. In any other circumstance, I would have gone to the bathroom, cleaned myself off, stopped all bleeding, and gone on with my day. But OH NO. I fell on hospital grounds. And when you fall on hospital grounds, everyone AT said hospital thinks “$$$$$ SUE LAWSUIT MONEY $$$$$” so I was cajoled into going to the ER for my undoubtedly broken (shattered! Destroyed beyond repair!) foot. I was able to take many pictures, like this one:

Not part of Thursday's plan.

Not part of Thursday’s plan.

Aaaaaaaaaand this one…

DEFINITELY NOT PART OF THE PLAN.

DEFINITELY NOT PART OF THE PLAN.

So they wrapped me up and said it was a severe sprain and gave me crutches and the whole nine yards. Guess what? It’s Sunday and I have NO pain. I have NO swelling. I am FINE. I got schnookered by the damn hospital. If I receive even ONE bill, I will be sending it directly back to the hospital with a YouTube video of me dancing a jig whilst singing “You’ll Never Get A Penny From Me” which is a song I just made up.

Across from me in the ER was a 17 year old kid who decided to take his motorbike out mere hours before his prom, and wiped out gloriously, giving him road rash ALL over his body. It was pretty gruesome. His mom was shrieking that she was going to destroy the motorbike, and his waifish little girlfriend was positively green with all the gore and kept heaving and wailing “The the the…the PROM is RUINED wah wah wah wah” and had to be escorted out lest she barf all over her mangled boyfriend. It was great. Better than cable.

OH RELAX. The kid was fine. You could tell he was like “I am the manliest man who ever manned” and wanted to know exactly how many stitches he was getting, no doubt so he could brag about it to all his bros. Hilarious.

On Mangled Biker’s side, there was a sweet little boy who had fallen and broken his wrist. He was very brave, but put on a hobble when they were leaving, “I can’t walk, my wrist hurts” he bravely whimpered. I would have given him a lollypop if I was the doctor. Extreme lack of lollypops in the ER.

So that’s the story. My foot is fine. The hospital sucks for putting me through all that nonsense for NOTHING, and I got a job. It all works out in the end.


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